figured itd be nice to share my thoughts

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by the fleet asleep, Jan 18, 2009.

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  1. the fleet asleep

    the fleet asleep Well-Known Member

    a dedication to the populace of back seats
    in a room filled smoothly
    fade to black screens

    all the laughing is like gravel in a glass sink
    sinking in warm water
    when the pipes freeze

    anticipation is the order of the last thing
    /on a short list/
    /more endorphins

    every word is used to opiate the passing
    of an hour lost
    sleeping in the bath steam

    a dedication to the populace of back seats

    ___________________________

    just a random 5 minute thought i had while browsing opacity.us
     
  2. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Excellent work. Very palpable.
     
  3. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    made my brain hurt to try think and debate with myself about this right now.. i'll come back to it :yes:
     
  4. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    ok heads working :smile:

    this makes so much sense now kik.

    i really like it. especially the mid verses.
    similie of laughter,
    it seems so right, i get from that, that laughter doesnt keep you up for much when your in a pit such that comes from mental health problems, it sinks, getting colder and more foreign as it falls, glass sink because it is see through.. pipes freezing, being unable to laugh no more.


    i actaully said wow to myself when i read that, not cuase your brilliant or anything kik, but because i've never thought like taht before.
    no matter how the ending is arriving, you will anticipate it, welcomed or not, and in all cases on tender hooks, either hoping for it to rush and arrive swiftly, or to dawdle and let you have some more time.

    i like it alan.

    but what do i know! i fail english! :laugh:
     
  5. the fleet asleep

    the fleet asleep Well-Known Member

    @ pit - thank you. excellent isnt a word idve thought to have used, but im quite happy its the word that came to mind for you :)

    @ sheep - youre too kind, im happy you enjoyed it. i mean, considering im not brilliant or anything ;p; ;)

    its funny that you picked up on that one line. somewhere in a random introspection, i thought about how harmful shortlisting myself is, and tried to rationalize how i seem to look forward the getting to the end of that by telling myself "anticipation is the order of the last thing on a short list, after all" i kinda worked everything around that feeling.

    personally, i wish i had never written it, as it rings a bit more true than im willing to deal with at the moment

    in any case, im having an absolutely terrible night, and reading how youve found some meaning behind my words makes me smile a bit. thank you
     
  6. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    sprry i wasnt here for your bad moments, if there continuing tonight just say :smile:

    and idk if its meaning kik, just what it sparked in my empty head :mellow: see empty.
    and again, idk why that line stood out to me, like i said, i never thought it about it taht way, but yet it seems so viable and true imho. and i can see what your saying behind it. :cuddle2: for you
    dunno if i can solve anything for you, prob cant, but i can listen to maoning all the time :yes: and then mispell something and make a fool of myself and you'll laugh and we'll be all good for a lil bit :yes: worth a shot at least.
     
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