You know there are so many forums it was difficult for me to pick one to post in. My first posts were by default in the “Welcome” forum, and I was unprepared for the subtle but significant support that I received, and to everyone who even bothered to read my post thank you. And for those of you who took the time to reply to me, you will never know how much those few kind words meant to me. I have always had doubts about my sexuality, I would have to classify myself as bi-sexuality with a very strong leaning in the lesbian end of the spectrum, I had been dating a woman for over a year, we basically broke up today, this is the third time this has happened but I don’t see us getting back together again. She is a basically good person, and I’m not going to say anything bad about her. We have a fundamental problem with communication, and it’s only on one issue but one we can’t seem to get past, and to be honest while I do love her I have never seen her as the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I do believe I could live and grow old completely happy living with another woman, this of course assumes it’s the right woman. I live at home and at age 20 follow my parents set of rules, well more of guidelines, and I don’t have a problem with this. Gina (my ex) used to fight with her parents all the time and just doesn’t get why I, especially at my age, would even conceder generally going along with my parents set of rules. Gina fails to see how understanding my parents really are, especially about my sexuality, I have dated both men and women, but the only relationships that lasted for more than a month were with women. But my first sexual experience was with an older man. My dad seriously dislikes me dating women, but when he heard about Gina and I breaking up yet again, he took me into his arms, giving me a hug that showed he understood my pain. And I know going forward he will not try to steer me to even consider dating a man. My mom is more supportive but I know she would prefer me to live a more traditional lifestyle, but it is clear her overwhelming concern is seeing me happy. And they are not especially strict, but they do like to keep tabs on me, where I’m going and what I’m doing. I understand my parent’s concern, I have emotional issues, attempted suicide twice (more about that later) and done other things that clearly show a tendency for unstable behavior. What Gina can’t understand is that I’m gratefully for my parents “interference” (her word not mine) in my life. Without some sort of structure I am nearly certain I would quickly spiral into emotional instability. Gina feels (and maybe she is correct) real progress forward can’t be made without taking some risks. My view of things is that I do take risks, though they are very small, gradual ones. So no use putting it off any longer, at age 14 my parents were gone for the evening, I stole my mom’s car and rammed it into a large tree at a nearby park. Seems some jerk invented “air bags” to make things like what I was trying to do more difficult. I ended up with a broken nose, a cut on my forehead, and a dislocated shoulder. At 17 I took an overdose of pills, I took what I thought would be enough to kill at least three people, but I’m still here. I have mixed feelings about my failure, but I do regret the method I used. If I had it to do over again, I would have take a razor blade and slashed my wrists. I hate meeting people and having them assume that I’m basically normal, bold, clearly visible scars on my wrists would quickly let people know that they were dealing with someone with some serious issues. This would make some people shy away from me, and those are people I don’t want to have in my life. For others they would see someone who has issues, but wouldn’t let that fact push them away. Don’t worry I’m not about to make another attempt on my life just to make some sort of visible statement to the world. But maybe my reluctance to leave the safety of my home and face the real world. I go to college part time, I work part time, I try to push myself just to the edge of my comfort level, it the hope that by gently pushing on the borders my comfort zone will grow, I know my approach will take time, likely years. I do know that the end of my relationship with Gina makes me much more vulnerable to giving into feelings I have been trying to suppress, or end up in a truly dysfunctional or abusive relationship. So it hasn’t been the best day, rapidly shifting emotions, depression, fear, loneliness, abandonment, anger and far too many tears. Please feel free to make comments, recommendations, advice, I could use it all.