I was a drinker about a year ago for 6 months, I would binge drink twice a week, I would throw up, pass out and it generally wasn't good for me. I have no moderation at all. I never got the buzz from the alocohol because I couldnt stop and say"this is enough". I stopped when school started, and a short time afterwards I started abusing my adderall pills to get high. Now I don't even have that, I was addicted, I had to stop. I got hospitalized, and while I feel like shit, I do know I have a problem, and I am working on fixing it. But now, I feel like a part of me is missing. Getting high gave me a rush, it let me forget all my problems. It made me feel good. I don't know how to get that feeling anymore in a positive way. I feel lost, except this time, im actually trying to find the way out. I'm going to have the urges the rest of my life because of the stupid mistakes I made. But since I'm not killing myself,because that doesnt solve anything, and there are those who care about me, and I feel responible for any suffering that may occur if I were to die, I need to find a healthy way to release my stress. So far all I have are distractions, but nothing that solves the problem. Things arent getting better at home. My Dad is hearing voices, we are losing our house and one of our cars, we went bankrupt. My Dad is going to be admited to the hosptial because his meds aren't working and hes going insane. I'm trying to change my atitude toward life. Not stress over things I can't control. But I can't change over night. I still want to get high, a drink would nice right about now, I don't know how I am going to do this for the rest of my life, stay away from it all.