Final Countdown

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by NoGood, Dec 28, 2009.

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  1. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Hi everyone..

    I never thought id be writting this thread. I was thought i was depressed and wish i was dead but i never actually thought i would take my life. Unfortunately, its gotten to the point where the wishing and hoping to die is so strong that thats the only place i see the hurt stopping.

    Hopefully sometime in the next month I will suceed and my wish will come true. Ive a few plans, its really just about deciding which one will be the most effective and getting the necessary ingredients.

    Im really sorry to those who have wasted their time and energy on me. I think there are so many wonderful people here and I will smile at you from whereever I go.

    This isnt a cry for attention. Only one person on this forum knows my story and he is going through a hell of his own. So this isnt just a spur of the moment decision. This has been building for 10yrs and counting.

    Ill still be around untill I go, but I wanna let you know that I will be rooting for everyone here and trying to grant some happiness to you from above, or below or in the middle, or whereever I relocate :).

    Love you sf.

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    My wish is that you get into see your doctor to get new cocktail of medication as obvious the ones your on not working. My wish is that you see your therapist soon real soon so your healing can start. I wish you could see these thoughts you are having are the depression speaking and depression is treatable. People here care and need to see hope and there is hope lots of resources to help. Reach out to crisis to hospital to your doctor friend and get yourself stable do this before the month is up so we can still be talking afterwards and you will be here helping others to survive then. take care and please reach out now to get resources you need and you deserve.
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I have replied to some of your thread and it was never a waste of my are a good person, please don't give up. I agree with violet, seek out someone, a therapist, a friend even here. I know right now its hard to see straight with all this pain but maybe if you get help, meds that could give you the support you need.

    please keep fighting, we'll help the best way we can :hug:
  4. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    There is help for you out there, hun.
  5. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    awww guys, i know there are options but i just dont want them. The world is a horrible place and i just dont wanna be here anymore. Im happy to die. I think i have been strong enough to last this long. Everyday i wish i was dead. I never wanted to take my own life but every single day, i look at opportunities where i could die and it would seem like a horrible accident. I wish like a train (an empty train-cause i dont wish harm on anyone) would derail and crash into me, or a truck would roll over and crush my car. Im just not happy guys. Its ok to die, i want to. Im calm and rational. its been a long time coming. You dont need to talk me out of it. :)
  6. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    You know you can always talk to boo... I have a feeling that your are being impulsive. Specially since its the holidays. When it hurts so much kate, cry and cry more. You have to let all that tension out.
  7. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Please give it one last push. Give the options one last try, there is support, it's not a lost cause until you let it be.
  8. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    I know boo :)

    thanks for the replies everyone.

    We have all felt like this, i know. I can see an end and i feel happy about that. I appreciate everyones words of encouragement but its my time. Its ok. :)

    Thinking about it, i dont know why i set up this thread, i decided finally last night that im going to go and i woke up this morning - happy for once in a long time.

    Meds and support and help is great but i can never escape myself and its myself that hurts me the most.

    Seriously, its all good. Promise. x
  9. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It's obviously NOT all good, and it isn't okay to die. If you saw another member making the exact same post you've made, would you tell them it was okay?
  11. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    isnt that against the rules?

    some people can be saved others cant.
  12. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    No Kate it isnt all good. If you're hurting then we hurt for you. I know where you are at. I know the feelings. And I'm going to say screw it and be a flaming hypocrite here.

    You are a vibrant, talented, inspiring young lady. You have the ability to reach out to members here and instantly make them feel comfortable around you. You have more spunk in your little finger than I could of had in my lifetime. I remember your thread when your car was stolen. I could only think to myself, God help the people that took her car if she ever gets near them (lol). You have a fire that wont or doesnt want to be put out. So get your strength from that fire now.

    Kate.... get angry!!! Get angry about the things that have made you not like you. Get angry about the things that are pulling you down to a level that you are ready and willing to give up on you! Because I 'll let you in on something.... there are way too many of us here that are not and will not give up on you.

    You are no different than the rest of us. You can help others tirelessly. You can help others when your own world is falling down around your feet. But you cant help you,not alone. Let your friends here fight for and with you. Kate you are too good a young lady to let you go this easily.

    Please listen to what I have said. I know on some level you believe the things I have said. You agree with the things I've said. Damn it girl, you giving up isnt good at all. You've got years ahead of you. So let's see what can be done to insure you put those years to good use.

    I think you need to call a crisis unit. Talk to someone in RL. Help to get your head cleared a little. I know you tend to be somewhat impulsive when the thoughts and urges hit. That is why it is so important that you call a crisis line now. Before the urges take over. Please if you cant see doing it for yourself, then consider doing it for the people that you have become so special to here?

    Always :arms: for you Kate.
  13. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    There is nobody here that is beyond help. I think you know that, because I've seen your posts to so many other people who are hurting. You reach out to people; you help them. So let us do the same thing for you.
  14. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    The one person i wanted to help the most couldnt be helped so why bother? theres no point? Death will catch up to us eventually.
  15. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    fuck all of this. I cant take it. I cant!!!! Im bursting at the seems!!!!!!! Im in love, i hate, im happy, im sad. I cant fucking take it. Im only one person. The thoughts in my head are too fucking strong. Just thinking and typing this brings on a dizzy spell. I cant!!!! I want to fucking die, i dont care. I cant live for others - others dont live for me. The one person in the whole wide world that i told everything to, is caving in on himself. I die on my own!
  16. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    depression is like weight on our shoulders. of course if it keeps mounting then at some stage we are going to fall and get crushed.

    im so so so so sorry :cry:
  17. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Kate answer my pm.
  18. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Kate as much as you feel you are alone right now, you arent hun. Keep holding on. We can help you do it. We want to help you through this. Because we understand how much your hurting right now. Come on Kate!!
  19. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Carla, im terribly sorry. I know you wanna help but you gotta let it go, there are others that need your help.
  20. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Yes they do. I do. I live to help my friends. Your parents live for you. You live for you.

    Not while I'm still breathing you dont!!!!!!!!!!!
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