Final exit

Hi everyone here in SF!
this is my very first post,so excuse me if im breaching any rule,it is not my intent,if so please delete the post,do whatever..
in fact i was a bit reluctant on registering here on the forum but these days im just so desperate that i need/have to do something..(i m not sure if i can use the first person on the forum,some others im registered at i cant so,let me know if not..)
where to start,well,i used the title that is but the same title as a movie that relates to suicide itself..it s not very mainstream ,but im sure u know it..im still waiting for a slooooooow download to watch it..any info on where to download it would too be very apreciated..
now,back to my issue:
well,i feel i am at a point that i see no further answear to my problem other than just finish this.FYI this wouldnt be the first attempt,i trie it last september,i overdose on a series of prescripted drugs,some i was into,some others i just grabbed from my folks..well..it didnt work,as you see,i was taken to hospital,and after a few days "out"i just woke up,didnt even know if i had any other issues related to this OD,but i guess not,physically i mean..and i did use large amount of anti depressives,benzos,buprenorphine,and what not...i dont even know how bad my condition was,no one ever told me..at the time my reasons where not that far from those putting me in the position i am just now.
i was into drug,a rampage of use that just took everything away from me,friends(real ones),girlfriend..well a lot
now,my situation is not that better,i feel i cant have a normal life like everyone else,cant hold a job,cant hold relationships for i close myself in my dirty little world..and i did tried help,from a lot of docs,prescribing a lot of different drugs i just seem not to respond to..in fact my illegal drug usage(sorry if i cant state this)is nothing but a way of healing myself,the wrong way i know..this has made me do things i thought i never would,no i never robbed no one,apart from my folks,never sold myself for money,im not that bad,the addiction is more psychological than other ,but it doesnt make it any better..i hate myself for all this and i find myself at a breaking point....so,despite im shitless of doing any acts that could take my life away ,i just feel there s no other way,no escape from this..and the way i find is just the very same,drug od ing..so i gattered quite some <edit mod total elipse method>.i dont know if this would work,i dont know if ill do it,im not even here to find the question for this,i guess it s just the only way i found to just put it all out,and maybe someone has a word..
so as a first poster,sorry if i break any rule and thanx for reading..
r

 

Hi just want to let you know i hear your pain and sadness i do and i want to tell you there is always a way out hun away of getting better Maybe it is time to call your doc and go into hosptal for a stay until you can get some stability back into you life The hospital will work on getting you on newer meds that will help decrease the thoughts the sadness and also help you get the supports in the community you will need when discharged. Please reach out okay there is help out there You want to heal to be normal well what is normal really you can move forward with help it can happen hugs

 

HI!
thanx for support and everything but things sometimes arent as easy as they seem..theres a lot of stuff i didnt mentioned,such as family issues,etc etc...i just dont know how to end this feeling,but i do appreciate your words,no doubt of that..stay safe
r

 

im sorry i know things are not easy things can be down right ffff too hard i get that that is why we have to reach out for help okay we cannot fight it on our own. family whatever is pushing us to this depth of sadness need to take back precedence now. All you need to do now is to get help for YOU okay going to hospital call a crisis line who will help you get support that is all that matters. Keep you safe okay time to look after you okay It takes one step calling crisis or doctor or go to emerg and from that one step many things can happen

 

I dont know what to add here, just wanted to let you know that Ive read your post, and Ive been where you are. PM me anytime you want to talk or vent or just need someone to listen, okay.

Hugs