Another year is over and still I'm no clearer. The fog still remains I'm still held down by chains. We say goodbye to another year but still were here living with fear still caught up in the lies and still so many why's So many people have gone I guess they just moved on All the changes that have happened have left me here feeling unwanted The depression is still here flashbacks & images still appear the voices are getting louder echoin the words, I'm a failure We reported Jim to the police thinking we might find some peace all it done was open more memories reminding me that it's my fault, I had to please I never wanted justice for what he done my life was already over, if it ever really begun. He couldn't even allow us to heal to me everything still seems unreal I just needed someone to listen as I sat there in ruins My confusion, the pain feeling like I'm going insane. Unwanted, unloved wondering what it felt like to be loved my heart split, frozen and broken wishing it was time to enter heaven. People go, but the memeories stay never do they fade, or just go away Thoughts so dark, so destructive I needed a reason to continue to live. I told of my plans, people laughed sometimes nash you are so daft. Never taken me seriously just leaving me to feel angry. They were all keeping something from me talking about me, making me go crazy I never felt anyone believed me the knife they held, cut into me so deeply I tried to make things right but everything was a fight my energy, enthusiam all gone I guess its time to begone. Then to be told to just get over it.. the words so cold as I received by final hit 2009 will be my final year I've said it before, but maybe I wasn't clear. I know its never easy to say goodbye, this time of the year probably the worse I wouldn't ruin my families or friends lifes I will wait until the time is right. Christmas will be over, new year will be gone. My soul has already gone, my body will be too... soon my soul & body will be one as I close my eyes, and am gone. Until that time, I will continue to smile laugh, joke, pretend I'm ok. Paint the face, wear the mask. nobody needs to know, I was far from ok!