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finally cut off contact with my baby's father.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by moogkitz, Dec 24, 2013.

  1. moogkitz

    moogkitz Well-Known Member

    ugh. I'm just venting here. I've talked about this guy before, he's a real fucking piece of work. the last time I talked about him, I was trying to deal with the fact that he spent all his time boozing with friends than working or being around me. he never changed. so one night, I asked him to come straight home cause I needed to talk with him. when he got home, I told him that I would be looking into adoption agencies because it was obvious he wasn't ready to be a father, and I wasn't prepared to do this alone. his response was basically "do what you gotta do". so then after a little while his dad calls and wants to talk to me. I suppose he was trying to be helpful, but the conversation basically revolved around him telling me I was just as lazy as my boyfriend (I got fired from my job and have been fervently looking for another), I sit around the house all day when I could be doing things like "looking at baby stuff" (which I can't afford, since I have NO money), and when I expressed concern that my bf was not showing that he was willing and able to be a good father, he asked me "how do you know you're going to be a good mother?" so of course, after feeling berated I started getting angry and raising my voice. my bf was sitting right there, and says "don't raise your voice, don't go off on my dad." I don't even know what happened after that, all I know is I started bawling and asked my sister if she could take me to my mom's. I went, but there was no one home so I had to come back. I stayed there for the night, but the next day, while he was at work I packed some of my things and left.

    so, fast forward a couple weeks. me and him are kinda talking like normal. then one night he texts me cause he wants to talk about something that's been on his mind. he asks about this old picture I have in my phone of me in my shirt and underwear. he asks who I sent the picture to, I say no one but he thinks I am lying. he doesn't trust me because I had sex with two people during two previous (separate) breakups. that's a long story but anyway, he says "if you loved me how could you have sex with those people so soon after our breakup?" however I let him know that during our most recent breakup he also had sex with some other girl, I never talked about it because I didn't really care. eventually he tells me the name of the girl he fucked, it was an old friend but I still didn't mind.

    AND THEN (oh my this is long) the day comes for my doctor's appointment. I had been constantly telling this boy that my appt was at 3pm on Friday (but it was really at 3:15) he told me that he would be there by two so we would be on time. 2:30 rolls around... he doesn't. then 3, and he's still not there. eventually he shows up and I'm already ten minutes late. I'm aggravated so I'm not in the best of moods when he arrives. while in the car, he proceeds to give me excuses about why he was late. I tell him I don't really care and don't want to hear it. he responds with "well fuck you too" and then starts driving like an angry maniac. when we get to the clinic he says "get the fuck out of my car", so I do and as I'm walking he says "and don't get back in until you're ready to talk to me like an adult" we sit through the appointment not talking to each other. we walk back to the car and he doesn't unlock the passenger side. I ask if he's going to let me in, he says "not until you're ready to talk", I tell him he doesn't want to talk, he just wants to make excuses for his behavior and I don't want to hear them. he shrugs his shoulders, still won't let me in so I say "just leave me then" and he starts driving away. right as I'm about to call my mom, he pulls up next to me and tells me to get in the car. he still tries to make excuses on the way home, and blames his behavior on me. we didn't talk for days.
  2. moogkitz

    moogkitz Well-Known Member

    after all this bullshit, I discover that he left his Facebook logged in on my desktop. I decide to snoop... not a good idea, but I found some messages between him and his ex. he dated this girl in middle school and she's got issues. she cuts, goes through bouts of depression and possibly had suicidal tendencies, and has a weird relationship with her parents. I find three suspicious things they talk about: 1) he told her a few months ago that he loved her, he wanted to be with her but she was so far away, and that he hooked up with two girls during our most recent breakup, 2) he tells her about how his mom dislikes me, and then she says how she doesn't like me either to which my bf responds "I know hun" and 3) back when I first found out I was pregnant, he told her he had some "upsetting news" to tell her but he didn't want to do it over Facebook.

    after seeing all of this I text him and tell him to call me. when he calls I ask him about all the things I saw, he doesn't seem apologetic at all and even tries to throw it back in my face. the "upsetting news" he had for her was that I was pregnant, he tells me she doesn't like me cause she thinks I'm preventing them from being together (even though she lives across the country and has a boyfriend), and he doesn't love her anymore because if he did, he would still be trying to talk to her (their last conversation was less than a month ago). I'm so fucking infuriated I tell him I don't want anything to do with him, he can try to be involved in his son's life but I don't want to talk to him or see him ever again. he doesn't really have a response other than "well I guess you got me." I hang up on him and haven't talked to him since.

    Jesus Christ. I need a fucking blog.

    I don't regret cutting contact with him but I get so angry thinking about him and his ex. it makes me feel betrayed and hurts so fucking much... how could he be with me and still be so obviously in love with her, like he was desperately trying to stay in contact with her so that if we ever ended permanently, he could have her and be happy. it makes me fucking sick. ugh why are people like this
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Oh wow, this guy sounds like a complete and utter dick! You did the right thing by cutting ties with him. I know it must be really hurtful for you to deal with all of this crap, but you will be much better off without an idiot like that in your life.
  4. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    hi moogkitz,

    i know you inboxed me and i said a few things back to you in response, probably gonna be repeated here.... i'm sorry i'm kinda braindead because i'm in a lot of emotional crap myself atm and can't think straight. i am very proud of you for getting him out of your life... you did the right thing, he will only be a hinderance to you and your child if you try to keep him in your life as a partner. i am glad to hear that you are not thinking of cutting him out of your child's life due to how he treated you, just be sure if/when he does ever have visitation that he is not neglectful, etc. have you checked into WIC and other programs to see if maybe you can be helped by them to help you with you finances and your and the baby's medical care, living arrangements, etc? is your family going to help you through this at all? what kind of plans do you have lined up to help you through this? pregnancy is emotional enough, but when you are faced with a breakup during it too... it sends your world spinning on its side.... i just want to make sure you and your baby will be ok?