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Finally here...

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Well I decided to finally register here even though I'm not entirely sure if I belong here.

I'm 18 years old and I've been struggling with different stuff throughout my life which has resulted in me now being fairly emotionless, little to no compassion for others, I would not care if I for some reason had to kill another person and I basically would just prefer to die and the only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I fear the consequences if I for some reason survive and the physical pain a suicide would require.

Everything started when I was about 5-6 years old when my stepbrother told me he wanted to kill me while he held a knife to my throat. After that several other things have happened and the dark stranger in me has slowly grown in size and it still is growing, but I don't think i will ever be able to stop it and no amount of drugs or therapy will "fix" me. Now I wear a "mask" wherever I go to fit in, faking happiness, sadness, grief and it's tiring...

That's me in a nutshell I guess.

PS: Before anyone thinks I'm some sort of psychopath who wants to kill people, I'm not, I just wouldn't care if I for some reason had to.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
you went through so much trauma no wonder your emotions are frozen inside you You keep venting here okay you keep releasing whatever it takes to make you feel again. Hugs to you.


Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
I know what you mean about being emotionlist.. I was the same way.. My therapist talked me into getting a puppy to learn how to love again..It helped.. It took me about a month to get attached to him but now I love him..I have made some great friends here who I love also..It's amazing how much weight is lifted off your shoulders when you make new friends.. Theres alot of good peeps here..
Wow, I never expected a welcome like this...thank you. And I've always cared for animals and they are pretty much the only things I care for anymore, so I already have a dog which I care about a lot.
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