Finally losing it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Crimsonsorrow, Jul 13, 2008.

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  1. Crimsonsorrow

    Crimsonsorrow Active Member

    Finally I think im getting to the point when itll end.
    Going crazy over here: Lost the sense of waking up lost the purpose to go on
    Now Im alone. Even my family ignores me since theyre fed up with my depression stemming from my health issues.
    Im not going to make it "you gotta now your limits" and call it a life once and for all. Wish I had another chance. The dreams are like nostalgic nightmares.

    I dream everynight of times at school before my accident and seeing myself as a different person. I eny that person, I want to punch him for enjoying his life so much for being so careless; for having so many opportunities in life. You wake up with only tears in your eyes and curse that it ended.

    Hope that in the next couple of days Ill get a shot at being free forever...
    Besides Ill do a favour for my society by removing someone like me. Just hope that the result will be binary. I fear of ending not dead yet as a vegetable
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just wanted to say that I read your post and am sending you fond thoughts and hugs, J
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry to hear such despair and pain in your post.It can't have been that long ago since your accident it doesn't sound like. What you are experiencing is normal for what you are going through. You need to give yourself time to heal, both physically and emotionally. Your family is probably not as sick of dealing with your issues as you think they are. Depression will make you think many things that are not true. But to you, they are. You mention that you see yourself as a different person than you were before. You aren't a different person, it is your circumstances that have changed. I hope you are undergoing some type of counseling to help you deal with the changes. You are in my thoughts. Please don't give up. :hug:
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Good morning,
    I understand the pain. I have been suffering from migrane headaches. I get them so bad I start throwing up. Sometimes the meds work and other times I have to go to the emergency room. I have a headache all the time, the seveere headaches I get one probably every two weeks.
    I have learned to live with them. The only meds I have found that help with them has been shot down by the insurance company.
    I hope you know that you are in the right place for understanding, and advice. Why don't you let us know more about what is happening with you. Are you seeing a doc, taking meds,seeing a therapist? If you aren't maybe you should think about it. Most of the people here are stable. That doesn't mean they are healed that means they are stable for another day.
    If you want to talk or just vent your anger then PM me. I will listen to you. Good luck,:chopper:
  5. sakuragirl

    sakuragirl Well-Known Member

    you're in my prayers, I cant say I know what youre going through because I haven't been in your place, however I can say that its ok to feel bad when things don't go right and what your going through emotionally is ok to feel that way now. Its part of a process and accepting your feelings and then going to the next step where you fight those feelings is how we evolve as people.
  6. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    i kind of understand i am housebound and disabled with ME and am on morphine. my life has ended pretty much i dontknow what else to say cos i am fucked tonight too but stay here and talk people care, i do too x
  7. Crimsonsorrow

    Crimsonsorrow Active Member

    I just... cant go on like this. I always dream everynight about the past and how I could be living to the fullest. I have wished ever since the accident that people should have injuries and wounds that heal on their own.

    Always I recall the saying if you want something done right you gotta do it yourself and not give yourself in to some fucked up doctor who doesnt give a damn about your health. The graft is almost 1cm off the best positionaning. The last doctor I visited told me he wants a lot of money doesnt guarantee nothing and wants to do two operations in the span of 2 years. I just cant bare the embarassment and feeling of withering away while other people enjoy my ordeal.

    All of this time everyone lied to me I knew about it but accepted them
    being "proffesionals". Now Im looking for donors for another surgery

    You dont know how it feels to be 12 months post op and you cant even walk without a limp and an old 55 year old fart with the same problem runs by you laughing at you and taunting. I gotta snap maybe once dead someone will say that I was right. At least one person would be a success I know that most will say that its good im dead since I was a good for nothing burden for my family. That I was just a parasite with a hedonistic lifestyle

    Sry people but I dont think its avoidable now. My time is up... hope the cyanide at least does its job... it better
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