I'm 20 years old going to community college because I dropped out of high school. I finally realized that because I'm Asian I will never succeed in the united states. I really don't care what my parents think because they really don't give a shit about me. My dad is a delusional maniac and my mom is a desperate middle aged nobody(there divorced by the way). I cant even talk to my mom because she never learned English. Shes basically a stranger to me. My mom sent me away to live with my dad in Guam when I was 12 years old. Then after a year of living in a broken down shack we moved to china, so my dad could make his riches there (a delusion). then after 2 years of dealing with his bullshit I moved back to Hawaii, to live with my mom and her white boyfriend. I was chronically depressed for a while now, and after being in another country for so long not learning a thing other than life is terrible. I had to be a freshman when I was suppose to be a sophmore. My high school years were VERY awkward because I just couldnt get used to the environment and my home life was also VERY awkward. I had no one to talk too, so my grades started to slipped DRAMATICALLY. In my junior year my moms boyfriend kicked my mom out because she was being a total NUTCASE. He said I could stay cuz im not fucking crazy like my mom, but my mom didnt like that so she started to tell my friends that he was molesting me or something WTF was that??? She just wouldnt stop it until I moved in with her in some shithole apartment. Thats when my grades REALLY hit the floor I had F's in all my classes and decided to drop out. Ive been in a twilight ever since. Stagnant...not going anywhere, and academics in ruins. Lacking in every department just nothing going for me all my friends think im a fucking weirdo now. I finally saved up thousands of dollars from working at a restaurant than with my moms ex boyfriend he has his own business. Now With no friends, no future, no family, no looks, no anything but my money. Ive finally decided when and how im going to commit suicide. I'm going to book a hotel for a couple of days in honolulu before christmas eve, and xxxxxxxxx. Im gonna have a jolly time going to the beach and end it all on christmas eve looking out at the morning sky through the window (looking at the sky just before the sun rises is the most beautiful experience in the world). Oh what a wonderful way to go :biggrin: Im posting on this forum because I have no one to talk to really and it would be nice to finally have some ppl to talk too in the final months before I go.