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Finally made up my mind

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cutiepie132

Well-Known Member
#23
Yes I get scared.. I can't say that I've really tried to change anything. I have lived the past 14 years so sick that all I could do the majority of the time was stay in bed, and cry myself to death from the misery..

Well now, I'm doing a little better. I have my future to think about. Maybe there is a possibility I could actually work. I want that so bad, but then again, I am really shy around people if I don't know them very well, and I hate those feelings you get from that. My son gave me some good advice on how to get over being shy. He said when I go somewhere, to just pick a random person and start up a conversation, even if it's just saying hi. He said I would get over being shy and it would help me have more confidence. He did it himself so he knows what he is talking about.

In the aspect of a relationship, I know that it was quite easy for me to hold on to being in love with someone that would never return my feelings. Perfect way to keep myself from being hurt. And no one wants to be hurt. Would I ever get involved with someone that would treat me like shit again, not a chance in hell. I've been surrounded by alot of people that doesn't care in the least bit to hurt someone else. I used to think there was just something wrong with me.. But things changed. I have met so many nice people, I know there are plenty of people that are far from being like that, and it helps knowing that.

If you react to everything out of fear, you miss out on life, and I don't want that. When you learn to care about yourself, that really helps. You will be more open to giving life a chance.
 
#24
Yes I get scared.. I can't say that I've really tried to change anything. I have lived the past 14 years so sick that all I could do the majority of the time was stay in bed, and cry myself to death from the misery..

Well now, I'm doing a little better. I have my future to think about. Maybe there is a possibility I could actually work. I want that so bad, but then again, I am really shy around people if I don't know them very well, and I hate those feelings you get from that. My son gave me some good advice on how to get over being shy. He said when I go somewhere, to just pick a random person and start up a conversation, even if it's just saying hi. He said I would get over being shy and it would help me have more confidence. He did it himself so he knows what he is talking about.

In the aspect of a relationship, I know that it was quite easy for me to hold on to being in love with someone that would never return my feelings. Perfect way to keep myself from being hurt. And no one wants to be hurt. Would I ever get involved with someone that would treat me like shit again, not a chance in hell. I've been surrounded by alot of people that doesn't care in the least bit to hurt someone else. I used to think there was just something wrong with me.. But things changed. I have met so many nice people, I know there are plenty of people that are far from being like that, and it helps knowing that.

If you react to everything out of fear, you miss out on life, and I don't want that. When you learn to care about yourself, that really helps. You will be more open to giving life a chance.
I really am a loser and will never accomplish anything because of my emotional instability. I know I am right, I have never succeeded in anything in my life. I also see no examples of someone like me succeeding in anything.

All I realize is that I really am nothing and should just go back into the ground already.

This forum is nothing but an emotional crutch.....

Never coming back again, see you in the next life...
 
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cutiepie132

Well-Known Member
#25
Life might not always be what you want, but it gave me two beautiful kids. I have a family I love. Friends I love, even if I am not able to hang around them much, I know they are out there, and I know they care. I could be content with my life just the way it is, if I could just get over being so tired, and feeling pain every day. I think the only thing I will need later on, is someone to spend my life with, and knowing both my kids are happy. Now one thing I'd really like is lots of grandchildren, but I could survive without that. Life isn't always bad, okay.

Have you thought about going back to the country that you are from. You seem so miserable here in the us.. Your mom could go with you if she would, if not, you really can't hold yourself somewhere where your not happy. If you end your life, you'll be leaving her behind anyways.. I hope you get some rest and feel better.
 
#26
I put myself out for other people - which makes me think less about myself and my problems.

As for for fear - sure we are human beings - I'm not going to be some silly man who says I have no fear.

But.

Whilst I have fear - I have love which balances it and defeats it. Love in my heart I mean - not out there holding hands in Disney World 'love' - I think you can have a love for other people which, in the end, will make you love yourself also.

So fear for me is an imposter. The swine who I hate! Fear is 'best mate' who will tell you everything you try will fail. Fear is the voice of nonsense a lot of the time - but sometimes it is just common sense.

Fear of burns is a good thing for example!

Some fear is just depression making you think that you can avoid fear by avoiding the very issues which might beset you.

Social fear is a big one. Many are shy - and perhaps too reluctant to socialise or mix with others, Understandable - but ultimately the path to recovery is usually one shared with others, Even if you walk alone - you need people at some point - and overcoming the fear of being open to someone about how you feel is vital I'd say - that is the KEY for most of us.

That was my fear in a nutshell.

I would sooner hide it than risk the emotional attachment that might come afterwards. Its like asking someone to mind a part of your soul - the dark part!

I can rest easy with my savings in the bank - but investing a part of your soul - you can see why I'm reluctant to share that.

But its a fear to overcome - I do share things carefully!

And sometimes openly and in a notorious manner.

Anyhow - hope your fears are ready to get their backsides kicked.

Hope you choose to live!!!

God Bless Canada also (just saw the Canadian flag icon)

:canucks:
 

cutiepie132

Well-Known Member
#27
I really hope you do come back and talk to us. You think your worthless but your not. You all come on here and ask for help, but have you realized that when you do that, that your helping the people that are trying to help you? Everyone here understands what you are going through, your not judged over the way you feel. You know your cared about. And everyone here is so sweet. Even if it is just online conversation, I consider you a friend. It really helps to be able to open up and talk to people who can be compassionate and so caring.

I think you should start doing things that make you feel needed and appreciated. Getting back on here and trying to help other people would be a good start. Maybe do some community service for a local hospital. Things where people will appreciate you and your help, maybe it would change your view of your self-worth.
 
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