I've already told this story on here before but it's finally come to a head. It took me months to come to terms that I'd lost him forever. I had an appointment with my doctor today and she knows the whole story. She told me how toxic it is and that it's killing me. Meeting this guy and falling in love with him was my demise. I may not have been the happiest person before I met him but I went through four, almost five years now of pure hell and it's scarred me for life.
I've never truly met this guy though. Not in person, it was a long distance relationship, an unhealthy one. He proclaimed he loved me and that he wanted to see me. But it never happened and I know now, it never will.
Another guy was involved in this situation. (Yes we're all gay, if that offends you please don't reply or flame.)
I truly loved him even though I'd never met him. My Mom told me I couldn't face reality...and that I was building him up to be this wonderful guy with no flaws. She said if I met him in person my perception of him might change. But he won't see me under any circumstances.
He's afraid of putting the relationship he has with his off and on again boyfriend in any danger he told me.
The other guy threatened him that if he ever saw me that he'd leave him.
So then I realized I was never really worth it to him. He wouldn't take a risk for me.
Recently, I started to go somewhat crazy and I thought if I changed my attitude and got advice on getting a guy interested in you again that I'd win him back. That plan didn't last very long. Part of the plan was that I told him I was okay with his decision to end it and that I was fine. However, I recently told him I was pretending so he didn't have to feel bad about me anymore and could move on. But I basically lied to him so he might hate me when he reads that letter.
It doesn't matter anyway though, I'm not going back. Sure I'll get urges to check my mail and see if he wrote but I can't do it anymore. He distanced himself from me towards the end too. He claimed I was his good friend still but he became so emotionally detached from me.
So now, I'm just trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and I'm going to move forward slowly.
My word of advice out there to people in long distance relationships...make sure they're not too "buddy buddy" with their ex still, it will lead to your demise, leave while you can or you'll end up like I did.
I just wanted to vent this...thanks to anyone who reads it.
#18
I've never truly met this guy though. Not in person, it was a long distance relationship, an unhealthy one. He proclaimed he loved me and that he wanted to see me. But it never happened and I know now, it never will.
Another guy was involved in this situation. (Yes we're all gay, if that offends you please don't reply or flame.)
I truly loved him even though I'd never met him. My Mom told me I couldn't face reality...and that I was building him up to be this wonderful guy with no flaws. She said if I met him in person my perception of him might change. But he won't see me under any circumstances.
He's afraid of putting the relationship he has with his off and on again boyfriend in any danger he told me.
The other guy threatened him that if he ever saw me that he'd leave him.
So then I realized I was never really worth it to him. He wouldn't take a risk for me.
Recently, I started to go somewhat crazy and I thought if I changed my attitude and got advice on getting a guy interested in you again that I'd win him back. That plan didn't last very long. Part of the plan was that I told him I was okay with his decision to end it and that I was fine. However, I recently told him I was pretending so he didn't have to feel bad about me anymore and could move on. But I basically lied to him so he might hate me when he reads that letter.
It doesn't matter anyway though, I'm not going back. Sure I'll get urges to check my mail and see if he wrote but I can't do it anymore. He distanced himself from me towards the end too. He claimed I was his good friend still but he became so emotionally detached from me.
So now, I'm just trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and I'm going to move forward slowly.
My word of advice out there to people in long distance relationships...make sure they're not too "buddy buddy" with their ex still, it will lead to your demise, leave while you can or you'll end up like I did.
I just wanted to vent this...thanks to anyone who reads it.
#18