I wasn't sure which forum to post this in, so sorry if I picked the wrong one. If any of you have been reading my posts over the last six weeks or so, you know I've been going through a really rough time, with some very serious suicidal feelings. I had a very specific, detailed plan, and a date set to carry it out. Because I posted too much on my mental health Twitter account, someone did some detective work and called my therapist, and I ended up in the psych ward for 5 days. I felt better by the time I got out, but the suicidal feelings returned pretty quickly.
Well, I just wanted to say that the horrible depression has finally lifted. I can't say that I don't still have suicidal feelings, because my normal baseline is mildly suicidal, but I don't have the desire to carry out my plan at the moment. My mood is much more stable.
I think what really sparked the turnaround is that I finally got a job. I quit work three years ago to take care of my mom full time. Mom passed away on July 1st of last year, and I just wasn't ready to go back to nursing, where I frequently have to deal with death. But I was running out of money, and that was a huge stressor, and was contributing to my suicidal feelings. My therapist and I finally came to an agreement that I would start putting in some applications. I put in a few on Monday of last week, and then a few on Tuesday, and by Tuesday afternoon, people were calling back. I had an interview Wednesday morning, and within an hour of getting home from the interview, he called me back and offered me the job. I'm not delusional, and I know that it's more that they are desperate for nurses than that I totally impressed him in the interview, but I need the job, so I immediately accepted the offer. The pay they offered me was a little more than I expected, so that's even better, and helps with the money stress. Maybe I'll be able to pay some bills and my phone will stop ringing off the hook all day long. I don't answer it. I'm phone phobic for one thing, and I can't pay what they are going to ask for anyway.
Anyway, I just wanted to let anyone who cares know that the crisis is pretty much over for now. Hopefully I won't have another episode like this for a long time... or even better... ever again. This one was really bad. I just want to feel good for awhile.
Well, I just wanted to say that the horrible depression has finally lifted. I can't say that I don't still have suicidal feelings, because my normal baseline is mildly suicidal, but I don't have the desire to carry out my plan at the moment. My mood is much more stable.
I think what really sparked the turnaround is that I finally got a job. I quit work three years ago to take care of my mom full time. Mom passed away on July 1st of last year, and I just wasn't ready to go back to nursing, where I frequently have to deal with death. But I was running out of money, and that was a huge stressor, and was contributing to my suicidal feelings. My therapist and I finally came to an agreement that I would start putting in some applications. I put in a few on Monday of last week, and then a few on Tuesday, and by Tuesday afternoon, people were calling back. I had an interview Wednesday morning, and within an hour of getting home from the interview, he called me back and offered me the job. I'm not delusional, and I know that it's more that they are desperate for nurses than that I totally impressed him in the interview, but I need the job, so I immediately accepted the offer. The pay they offered me was a little more than I expected, so that's even better, and helps with the money stress. Maybe I'll be able to pay some bills and my phone will stop ringing off the hook all day long. I don't answer it. I'm phone phobic for one thing, and I can't pay what they are going to ask for anyway.
Anyway, I just wanted to let anyone who cares know that the crisis is pretty much over for now. Hopefully I won't have another episode like this for a long time... or even better... ever again. This one was really bad. I just want to feel good for awhile.