Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SuicidalRN, Oct 17, 2014.

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  1. SuicidalRN

    SuicidalRN Member

    I wasn't sure which forum to post this in, so sorry if I picked the wrong one. If any of you have been reading my posts over the last six weeks or so, you know I've been going through a really rough time, with some very serious suicidal feelings. I had a very specific, detailed plan, and a date set to carry it out. Because I posted too much on my mental health Twitter account, someone did some detective work and called my therapist, and I ended up in the psych ward for 5 days. I felt better by the time I got out, but the suicidal feelings returned pretty quickly.

    Well, I just wanted to say that the horrible depression has finally lifted. I can't say that I don't still have suicidal feelings, because my normal baseline is mildly suicidal, but I don't have the desire to carry out my plan at the moment. My mood is much more stable.

    I think what really sparked the turnaround is that I finally got a job. I quit work three years ago to take care of my mom full time. Mom passed away on July 1st of last year, and I just wasn't ready to go back to nursing, where I frequently have to deal with death. But I was running out of money, and that was a huge stressor, and was contributing to my suicidal feelings. My therapist and I finally came to an agreement that I would start putting in some applications. I put in a few on Monday of last week, and then a few on Tuesday, and by Tuesday afternoon, people were calling back. I had an interview Wednesday morning, and within an hour of getting home from the interview, he called me back and offered me the job. I'm not delusional, and I know that it's more that they are desperate for nurses than that I totally impressed him in the interview, but I need the job, so I immediately accepted the offer. The pay they offered me was a little more than I expected, so that's even better, and helps with the money stress. Maybe I'll be able to pay some bills and my phone will stop ringing off the hook all day long. I don't answer it. I'm phone phobic for one thing, and I can't pay what they are going to ask for anyway.

    Anyway, I just wanted to let anyone who cares know that the crisis is pretty much over for now. Hopefully I won't have another episode like this for a long time... or even better... ever again. This one was really bad. I just want to feel good for awhile.
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    KristyR, I don't know you or read any thing you have written, but, it is good to see and hear that someone is doing and feeling better. Keep it up and I say Great for You!
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    So glad to hear things are finally looking up. It is actually fairly common once we manage to get past the crippling depression enough to take an action to make a change then the depression starts to fall back - it is the feeling of hopelessness that prevents us from doing anything that makes us trapped in in the same place. Until we manage to DO something - in your case to submit the applications but it can be anything really- nothing changes and we remain stuck. Please continue to see your counselor though and do the things that helped you get better so it does not cycle back and good luck to you :hug:
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Kristy, I am glad you are doing so much better and thank you for updating us! Well done on getting yourself better! Big hugs :)
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