Feel like I'm near the end of my patience. I've dealt with depression for many years and been seeing a therapist throughout. (A couple actually). Recently though, things have gotten very very bad. After graduating college, I started with small jobs in my field (post production, graphic design, some motion graphics), and have continued to work as much as I can, branching out if I can. Unfortunately, its not enough. In an industry where there is zero concept of job security (hired for maybe 3 months, no benefits), with low pay and student loans being held of just, I've had to go on government assistance for food. However, of late, the money I make from work is no longer enough to make ends meet with bills and rent and things like gas to get to work and parking when I'm there (things are somewhat cheaper if the job involves working at home). The last few months have been especially brutal after several jobs took far longer than was expected to pay. I have also had a few on-again off-again times with antidepressants which been hilariously ineffective my whole life, no matter what variations are tried. I've also been coming to the end of the coverage on my insurance at age 26, so no more therapy or medication is in the future for me, especially at my income. At the end of the day, I've been living and working with the stress of not knowing where my next paycheck will come from each and every month while being turned down for service jobs lately. I've got a loving boyfriend and a father who wants to help but cannot afford to do so. As my opportunities shrink, my savings inch into the double digits, and my options for help are systematically chopped off, its finally pushed me to the edge of planning to take the final step. Financially, my only options have been curtailed by debt from school making it impossible to even move to a different city (or country, in this business) in hopes of finding work. I don't really want to die, I enjoy living generally. However I've reached the point where every day is a struggle to get through. My boyfriend is in a similar position, however his outlook on life and parental support makes his situation more tenable. I have a few plans as to what I would do, but these are largely complicated by my wishing to "limit" the emotional damage to those around me. Nonetheless, every day seems to bring more bad news, more things demanding money that I just don't have, and at this point, may never have. As I'm beyond the support of my friends and small family, I feel like I'm ready to finally take the last step and have been viewing death as a long-awaited release. I really hope that whatever happens, people around me would view my death as a good thing, something that I wanted that would allow release from my situation. I doubt they will, but I would at least want that to be known. Sorry for the wall of text, I needed to get that out. I feel like I'm screaming on the inside all the time with nobody willing to listen.