Finding a way to hide my face and live with my hideousness.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chaosut27, Feb 27, 2014.

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  1. Chaosut27

    Chaosut27 New Member

    I guess it's easiest if I'm completely upfront with my circumstances and why I'm posting, and I'll try to keep things sparse despite some of the complexities or my situation. I've been a recluse for over six years now due to a naturally unattractive face and a chronic, severe skin disorder that has been at it's worst in the last two years. And I can't live with other people seeing my face, every my parents, any longer. So suicide is an obvious option given how poor my quality of life has been for what has been nearly a third of my life, but of course it's a last resort and what I'm asking for is ideas of how I could (realistically!!!) hide my face or live in total isolation or something along those lines. And please don't give me the regular sappy spiel of the inside mattering, I've come to terms with peoples superficiality somewhat and I understand that it's in people's nature to 'weed out' and shun that which is considered ugly/diseased/unacceptable etc. I used to get bitter thinking about how people would go miles for a nice face and body but wouldn't budge an inch for a hideous individual (so to speak), but I can now see that people simply like nice thing. People like nice faces/food/travel/art/sex/films/music/scenery and so on, and no matter how much I cry about it or rant people are simply not going to change. I suppose it's some sort of primitive evolutionary psychology that creates such feelings and reactions, but really the reason behind people's unbridled superficiality isn't so important And no the problem is not acceptance or confidence or therapy. I have taken countless medications and seem numerous psychologists/psychiatrists, but my problem is physical in nature.

    And along those lines I am naturally unattractive, so the 'just get a makeover' cliche does not apply either. I have had all sorts of hairstyles, wear the best clothes I can get on a budget, am already slim (so loosing weight won't help) and I cannot afford plastic surgery. But even If I could afford plastic surgery, which would be the only way to make a significant change, my skin disorder would still be chronic and severe and the damage of being stared at, rejected, bullied and hurt constantly is done already. So why am I making this thread when there is no hope of significant physical change or of being acceptable physically? Well I'm not very intelligent so I need ideas as to how I could live whilst hiding my face in a somewhat socially acceptable way. If I were rich I could live out in the middle of nowhere and feel safe and comfortable, but I'm not rich I'm flat broke and being supported by my parents. I would actually be quite happy to wear a mask 24/7 (no not just a medical mask or a paper bag but a proper one), but whilst it's probably legal it certainly isn't considered socially acceptable. So I'm in a real rut given that I have to live in a society full of people, but hiding is not socially acceptable. Merely wearing a hoodie/sunglasses/growing my hair out is not enough given that my skin disorder covers all areas except my forehead (or at least to a lighter degree), and makeup only irritates my skin condition worse (though it does cover the red scars to a certain extent). What's more I'm male so wearing makeup is not considered acceptable either. And no I am not going to post a picture so that you can size me up, I don't need to be treated poorly on the internet as well as real life.

    And yes I do care what people think, I am not strong and I never will be. I live in a world/country/state/town full of people that can't be avoided so I need some realistic ideas. If you have to get it out of your system you can crack jokes like 'hue hue hue, why don't you just wear a burca, hue hue hue', but ultimately I'm looking for serious answers. And I'm not looking for phony re-assurance or anything along those lines either. Thanks
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Of course we all care what others think of us the only people that can help you with your skin condition is a professional dermatologist I have seem new medicaiton that actually covers scars third degree burns and skin conditions It is not make up it is a medical cover that hides the scars and burns and facial disfigurements You need to ask you doctor or specialist to help you with that because there a products made to do just that.
     
  3. jonsmith

    jonsmith Well-Known Member

    my heart goes out to you. I am very short and I too have been alienated because of that. i feel your pain
     
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