Finding closure

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by pisces1, Sep 12, 2014.

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  1. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    One of things I think is keeping me from healing and moving forward is not having any closure to anything that has happened in the past. I have made alot mistakes in my life and some of which has hurt others. I accept responsibility for those mistakes and have tried to make amends with anyone I know I hurt.. But no one who has caused me pain through there mistakes has done the same for me. I am left with alot of unanswered questions and end up blaming myself for what they did to me. I know it is not realistic of me to expect others to apologize, but without explanations or any kind of closure I dont know how to move on.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You can only accept responsibility for your action right and what they did to you they will have to live with You have made you apologies for you mistakes that is all you can do You can move on with therapy you can learn to let past be and live in the present tense
  3. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    pisces, i can relate to what you are saying and I am really sorry for the pain that you still have in your heart. I too am struggling with the willingness to make amends to certain people. i don't want to because a) I have constantly felt remorse or guilt for any wrong I may have caused. in some cases, i feel like I carried more guilt than I should. and b) why should I if they don't have to? They say that making amends is about cleaning your side of the street, but when those people who hurt you not only don't do the same, but in some cases, throw their garbage on your side for you to clean up, it just causes even more pain and hurt. At least for me it does. Anyway, sorry for rambling. i just wanted say that you aren't alone.
  4. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    Have been thinking a lot about needing forgiveness and closure. They are feelings I struggle with daily. Up untill now I felt I needed others to forgive me for my mistakes, but the truth is I am the one who can not forgive myself. Also the closure I feel I am needing is, I want to be mentally healthy again so I can move on with my life. I guess in the end I have wanted to blame others for the way I feel. Hopefully one day I can learn how to forgive myself , just not sure how to do that right now.

    I also tell mysef I have forgiven others for what they did to me, but I realize now that I have not.

    Sadheart- I am sorry you are struggling with these feelings also. I hope you to can find closure and move on.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    They have not dome the same for you because they are not as good a person as you. What you have done is great and you should be well proud of yourself. You are an awesome one can tell you any different, much caring...petal :)

    I think getting closure is to move forward and find it in your heart to forgive whatever has been done. :hug:
  6. CNikki

    CNikki Member

    Harsh reality is that not everyone is going to acknowledge or be humble enough to accept that they've hurt someone. Heck, even the smallest of things that a person has done that hurt us they probably wouldn't even remember while living on with their life. I know that it can be hurtful knowing that these type of people will never really admit to their mistakes let alone to even say so in front of you, but that's just the way many people are and we can't change that of them. If they are able to move on with what they've said or done, the victim is going to eventually have to do the same. We don't live in a fair world and the victims in a way are having to pay a higher price for this, but think of it that the price we are going to have to pay may benefit us in the long run more so than the people who inflicted pain on others and we can be able to learn and grow to help those who may be in similar positions as we have or are in. That's something that those people won't take away from us no matter how hard they can try doing so (if that being the case then it's quite clear that they have bigger issues to sort out themselves).

    I'm still somewhat grieving over some things that people have said or done to me as well. Holding that grudge to where you expect apologies is not going to benefit anyone. We have to accept what's happened and move on and try our best to forget what these people did, especially when seeing their faces around which is a whole different story in of itself. As far as what we ourselves have done to others, that's also a good thing that you have the conscience to know that you've wronged and even bigger of a character to tell these people that you are sorry. Not everyone can do that and that's probably also why they refuse to do so because it's going to make them feel 'degraded' of their ego when in all honestly it would actually build their character. I wish I could go back in time and tell the people who I probably made their day go from bad to worse over unfortunate situations that happened to them and show them how deeply sorry I am to say the least and knowing that I can't just bares more guilt that will probably stay with me for a long time.

    If there's any way that any of us on here can help, whether it's to simply get things off of your chest while going through this grieving process then you are welcome to simply share any type of thoughts you may be having out of it. Therapy would probably do good if you haven't done so as well, which I'm also wanting to get to soon enough. In a way we can help one another through the hurts and eventually the wounds can start to heal since writing down thoughts itself benefits us.
  7. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    I really appreciate everyone's kind and very thoughtful responses.

    CNikki - I never thought off all of this as a grieving process. I have lost everyone in my life over the past five years due to my mental health problems. I just wish things could go back to the way they were before all of this started, when i was mentally well. In my heart, I know it wont matter who forgives who because nothing will ever be the same again, and those people, my family will never be a part of my life again. They dont accept me for who I am now.
  8. CNikki

    CNikki Member

    I'm sorry to hear about not having anyone in your life right now. I can almost say the same. I withdrew with whoever I really had left and now it's at the point they want nothing to do with me. I do say it's sort of a grieving process since you are taking in with what has happened (though this can be considered unhealthy) along with losing who you had five years ago. I won't lie, I wish things were like how they used to be as well. But we can't change that now and unfortunately things are going to keep changing, which I would say the same about the people we meet. I try taking none for granted now if I do meet anyone.

    It's hard since the people who are well and never experienced this will never know how it actually is for us. It's not like a switch we can turn on and off as to how we feel and what we do or do not. I can't completely blame them either. Nevertheless, it sucks.
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