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Finding hope when you are not like the rest

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by makethepaingoaway, Sep 23, 2010.

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  1. You have to know the whole story of why people commit suicide.
    I follow NFL a lot, so the death of the Denver Broncos player Kenny Mckinnely, and five years ago James Dungy intrigues me, especially when they had more than I probably ever will have, (I wish I could talk to them) as well as a gal I know that has her own car, house, relationship, well paying job and maybe more friends than me, yet she still cuts herself.
    I am a guy who lives with parents at an older age, lost my GF and don't know how to get her back, no car, a pathetic job, no friends (I literally come home to my tv and computer as my source of socialization and I talk to myself all the time as if I am a second person or audience), no money for therapy, I'm not religious nor spiritual, (I'm agnostic). I feel socially inept and unrelatable and undesired (in the long run - people always leave or have no time for me) I may have asperberger syndrome (a mild form). I have nothing to move on to.
    I feel like I am dead weight to the world and nothing makes me happy anymore and if I was happy I'd be lying to myself on some type of drug, and I don't want to do that.

    Often people will turn to religion to help them through trouble times, but that crap doesn't speak to me. Infact it makes me more suicidal.
    That whole "you were fine before you went through this, you can be fine now" is a fallacious argument to convince a person from suicidal thoughts. That means the person was always sad or empty and it became more apparent when the avenues of hope and opportunity closed.

    I feel different. Like I'm an exception to the rule. Yet so many have had similiar issues, but they've had ways to help them heal. I have no medicines. Only my own foolish thoughts of hopeless and fear of dying both psychologically and physically (the unbearable pain).

    My thoughts of Suicide are mostly dormant, but there in the form of an untreatable depression that can be only cured if I could win her back forever without any problems that we cannot overcome.
    It's pathetic, but it's all I have, until life shows me another way. I can't seem to find it and it never finds me. I feel trapped with the option of no doing anything to improve my situation and not incontrol of my destiny. When I try I fail, I can't keep anything, I lose anything and anyone that helps gives me an identity.

    So basically without religion, and friends to bond with what can I do to help myself when I have all these things against me.
    How can I find something that speaks my language and help me find happiness again?
  2. Arch

    Arch Member

    I'm not sure how you can find happiness. I'm searching myself. I'm actually in a similar situation. My whole life revolves around one girl, a girl I don't have. So I understand the exact pain you are feeling there. I have not yet found a way to get past it; maybe you will? Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone out there.
  3. Thanks man, I salute your support.
    If possible give me an update if there is ANY improvements/progress in the coming months.
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    My strong religious beliefs help get me through the day. It may seem illogical that a scientific person such as myself, can believe in a God, but there has to be a higher purpose to life. We can't possibly be just a bunch of people doing random things.
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Yes, because without a god, what we are doing must be random...
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