Finding myself making plans

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenPsych, Jul 27, 2008.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    So. I went to see the guy I like at the hospital. I am still feeling really bad and I am finding myself making plans. Last night in the middle of the night I ended up getting up and going outside for a walk - my bf thought I was going mad. I had had a couple to drink last night so wasn't thinking that much about anything going on in area. I was sat there outside and was thinking about when and how I can do it and making plans.

    I have an appointment with the Dr in a couple of weeks but my plabs dont really incorporate that. I am planning before then.

    I really don't know what to do. I have spoken to my bf about things - well sort of. Basically said to him about how I was feeling worse than I had done ever. All I got from him was well what do you want me to do. I don't know what I wanted him to do but basically said I just thought I should let you know how I feel.

    I don't know what else I can do now!
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    If you think you are in danger before you have your appointment, call and explain the situation to them. They may be able to get you in earlier or suggest an alternative. Many people have plans. As long as those plans are not put into action you are okay. Please do whatever is necessary to stay safe. Call crisis if you need to. :hug:
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello GP,
    Have you written down any of the plans? It sounds to me that there is alot going on in your mind. Do you have racing thoughts? Do you have high anxiety with panic attacks?
    If you are answering yes to these questions then I would suggest you go to the hospital and let them read what you are writing. It could be serious or it could just be you need to reevaluate you meds.
    It doesn't sound like you are getting much support from your boyfriend. As long as you post with the forum you do have ppl who will show you support and give advice. Please think about the hospital, my concern is the waiting time before you see your therapist. Keep us informed how things are going. If you need to talk or just to vent feel free to PM me....
     
  4. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Wanting help is a good sign. As Stranger said, calling the doctor's office and telling them you're in crisis, they will make a way for you to get in. I always have multiple plans, but what I've done for the past year is to look at my calendar and see what was coming up in the next few days. I'd promise myself that I wouldn't act on my plan until after that event. Gradually, I've been able to look farther ahead. My goal now is January, 2009, when our son is getting married. It's a long stretch for me, and sometimes I want to give it up. I have to do a lot of self talking.

    Do whatever you can, whatever it takes to stay safe.

    Jim
     
  5. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    Jim ,is your story posted somewhere?
     
  6. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I don't know if it is that he is not supportive I think that it is more that he doesn't know what to do. So I will not bother talking to him bout it. I am going to see how long I can hold on for. It was the earliest the dr could fit me in.
    I find myself looking up different methods and researching a cocktail that will work.

    I dont know what to do 2day. Weather is so nice, well a tad 2 hot but my flat is even hotter. I dont have any sun lotion. I have my arm in a splint and I already have a trucker tan (where my t-shirt has been) dont really want a white wrist!. Can't you see what decisions I have to deal with!!!!!!!!!!! It is 2 hard. lol.
    xxxx
     
  7. bono

    bono Well-Known Member

    If your making plans anyways. You should make a list with the end date. Say two weeks from. Then pencil in all the things you want to do before you end it, one activity each day. Something i recommend

    -Goto blockbusters and pickout any movie that looks remotely interesting.
    -Goto Chapters and find a book about some over the top fantasy life people can only dream of having.
    -Get a blizzard from dairy, then spend the day in bed listening to all the music you downloaded from free off limewire. Up beat stuff Red Hot Chilli Peppers, KT Turnstall, Ben Lee and The Cure. Not emo little miss chemical romance.
    -Take a long bike ride. Its gets the endormorphins flowing, so you feel good all over, especially when your legs are sore from a previous trip. MP3 player is highly recommended.
    -Try to stay awake for 48 hours straight without doing anything but thinking. Trying to figure out the meaning of life. Hint the answer is 42
    -Goto drug store and get a bottle of caffeine pulls. Pop them like tic tacks. Then try to brood around the house, you can't you will have too much energy.
    -Take a trip down memory lane. Youtube some of the cartoon from your childhood.
    -Get a massage your BF. Its hard to feel sad if your body feels good.

    Good Luck and remember that 99% of suicide attempts fail. Either nobody actually wants to die, or there is something out there is causing them to fail.

    ~Bono, the uppity Canadian with a floppy head and beady little eyes
     
  8. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I do already have a date and time in mind -

    I annoyed. I hven't been in contact with a couple of people for a few weeks as I tend to find they make me feel worse. So get a really arsey msg today saying it was rude etc and that then I didnt ask how they are. Dont mean to sound really self centred etc but when you are making suicide plans the general well being of someone else doesnt really come in to it. How do I say that as I dont want people to know. Ah well what do I care. I hopefully wont be here after Sunday!
     
  9. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Just had one of the girls call me saying they were worried about why I never see anyone. She could tell something was up but I didnt say what. I find it easier to avoid everyone as means I dont have to explain everything. She wanted to arrange to come over but I know I always feel worse. I don't want to make plans ahead. I would rather wait and then if I feel like it on the day I will contact them.
     
  10. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    So I guess I am still planning on doing it Sunday. I am really tired of fighting it now. I have tried many different people for help but there is not a lot anyone can do.

    My bf said I seem better tonight but I think it is cos I have a=made my decision. I am at his tonight but thinkin i may drive home in bit as cant sleep in his bed!
     
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