finding old blades

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Nemo, Jan 14, 2011.

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  1. Nemo

    Nemo Well-Known Member

    i found one of my blades yesterday under the skirting board in my room.
    i forgot it was there, i used it so long ago.
    i haven't cut since like, october, and i know i'm doing really well,
    but i'd gotten rid of all the blades i knew of - i think that's what helped a lot.
    just finding this one triggered me.
    i didn't want to cut before i found it,
    but just because it was there, i felt like cutting really deep.
    this may sound strange, but i just kept thinking, if i cut really deep with an old blade, maybe i'll get an infection and die...
    i know that's not good, and i didn't cut,
    but it took a lot of sitting there and staring at it, trying to convince myself not to do it.
    i still have it though.
    i don't know what's brought this on, especially thinking i could use it to kill myself in that way - that's a first.
    maybe i deserve the pain.
    i mean, it's got to hurt right? having an infection like you get from rusty metal... tetanus i think. i'm not sure how that works.
    i've not been feeling great, but i just put it down to the disappointment that i get when the new year turns out not to be any different to the previous year.
    maybe it was a one off.
    i should really get rid of the blade, i know.
    i just don't think i can at the moment.
     
  2. revoltra

    revoltra Well-Known Member

    Firstly, good job and not cutting and getting rid of all blades. I wanna tell you to get rid of the blade you found, but you know that too. And it's easier said than done.

    I don't know what type of blade it is, so I don't know if this will work for you and it might sound crazy. But is there a way you can destroy it? Like smashing it with something. In a weird way it does help, or you can just get rid of it. I really hope you don't use it to harm yourself though *hug
     
  3. Just chuck the old blade into the trash and don't ever look or think about it..
     
  4. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    Please dont use the old blades they will either be rusty and dirty or have old blood on them and you are likely to get an infection with them

    If you are going to use them please clean then with a anti bacterial wipes
     
  5. Nemo

    Nemo Well-Known Member

    i get that i should throw it out
    it's just a blade i took out of a safety razor
    it has no significance
    i've just kept it...
    i don't even know why i've kept it

    the more i tell myself i should get rid of it, the more i think, i'll leave it til later
    and it just stays there

    sorry, i know this is stupid
    i should have just put this post in my journal thread

    i guess i just thought there was a reason for it
    some reason, i can't quite figure out, why i want to keep it
     
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