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Finding thoughts of suicide comforting?

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#1
I have a Dx of depression and anxiety and my psychiatrist thinks I'm possibly BP. Been going through a period of depression and having a lot of negative thoughts that I've not had since last year. The difference is rather than finding them scary I'm actually finding them a comfort. I fantasise about drowing. I imagine myself feeling really calm as I sink into the water and it being all peaceful and tranquil. I'm not going to do anything about it as I love my children too much to put them through that.
Just wondered if it's common to feel so positive about the idea of dying? And to think about it constantly.
Don't know what answers I'm looking for. I guess I'm just desperate to talk to people who might understand where I'm coming from.
Martha xx
 

lightbeam

Antiquities Friend
#2
I can understand where you are coming from. I also find it a comfort with my chosen method too. It's not uncommon to find comfort in thoughts of death.
 

Wozza78

Well-Known Member
#3
You're not alone. The thought of not having to cope with the daily grind, and think about other people's feelings all the time, or about the future is sometimes so hard for me that not living seems like such a viable option. To be free of the burden of responsibility that I never even asked for, to slip into oblivion forever and be free from everything is addictive. I don't know whetehr I'm still here because I'm stubborn, or morbidly curious.
 

Mr Stewart

Well-Known Member
#4
yeah. It's my defense mechanism for life. I could not go on if I didn't have my emergency eject button.

I imagine this probably very common.
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#6
i think it is very common to feel comfort in knowing we have control over our lives living and dying i also think it is a sign for us to get the help we need to feel comfortable with living again hugs
 

solutions

Well-Known Member
#7
It's very common to have thoughts of suicide be comforting. In fact, paradoxically, thoughts of suicide can actually help prevent suicide, as they replace the act itself and may act as the smallest comfort needed to prevent actually carrying it out. You know it's an option and you can fantasize of it, which might help to prevent the actual act from occurring.

As for me, I told my therapist today that a few years ago I fantasized of committing homicide and suicide together, and the homicide was the more pleasant thought, with suicide being secondary. I suppose that makes me a bit different.
 
#8
I think about different ways to kill myself all the time, which actually can make you feel better.

Though the actual process of drowning is supposedly incredibly painful from what I heard. Like fire in your lungs until you pass out. . .
 

solutions

Well-Known Member
#9
Tsukasa up there (<3, I even have a small plush doll of her) is right, drowning is extremely unpleasant. Once asphyxiation starts to kick in and your mouth naturally opens and you inhale, it really, really hurts, and is far from instantaneous. It takes quite a while to lose consciousness entirely from lack of oxygen, in the meantime you're feeling extreme pain and distress while your lungs are full of water, and your body struggles to find air, causing you to breathe (it doesn't know you're in water, after all, all it knows is that it needs oxygen right now), which is very painful.

Drowning is not recommended.
 

Autumn01

Well-Known Member
#10
I find comfort and peace when thinking of how I can end my life too.
Won't be anymore stress, daily grind or miserableness for me when I finally commit the act.
 
#11
I’m sure to some it might be strange, but I feel the same way about my current situation. It seems like the ace in the hole waiting to be called up if things don’t work out.

I fill out some more cover letters and send out some more resumes and that keeps it away for a while until no one calls or I find a rejection letter in my box. :sad:
 

Marco

Well-Known Member
#13
I've had a fantasy since ancient times, that of somebody putting an arm in my chest and pull out the insides. It makes me feel better because in that way i can figure the burning feelings exiting from me. Other kind of dreams are more applicable so i can't speak them out here. So it is common among us...
 

Caster

Well-Known Member
#14
Thoughts of suicide are definitely comforting for me, even though I don't have a method planned out necessarily. They kind of just take my worries away from the current situation I'm in. In fact sometimes they are the only thing that gives me any solace actually.

I know this isn't good, but it's definitely not uncommon like everyone else said. I think one of the main reasons they are so comforting to me is because I have no one in real life that I can really talk to and express how I feel.
 

SomeGirl

Well-Known Member
#15
I totally get what you're saying, but I don't find the thought of drowning "peaceful" or "tranquil." I think, along with burning, it'd be the most unimaginably painful method. I find no solace in the actual psychical pain suicide is going to cause, but knowing I have the power to end this misery, whenever I wish, is very reassuring and keeps me going.
 
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