Finding yourself

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by A Box of Chocolates, Jun 21, 2008.

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  1. A Box of Chocolates

    A Box of Chocolates Active Member

    Being a 15 year old male you'd think confusion is "normal". I never had a real father figure. MY dad used me and my family for control and money and turned out to be a homosexual. Instead of being a father to me he was my abusive "friend" that abused drugs and rejected me as his son (not even letting me label him as my dad in fear of his boyfriends hearing it). Emotional and psychical abuse drove me to hate and fear my dad more then anyone but I still was sad I never had someone to look up to. My mom constantly cries and tried to work but at her old age its hard for a single mother to take care of 4 children on welfare trying to finish school at 55. The only person that raised me was the tv. I have no lable, no path to follow, no place to go in life, and no clue who I am. Everything is so real all the sudden. I wish I could go back and sink into my old reality where everything happened for a reason and it would turn out good no matter what. So here I am, no friends, no identity, in my small speck in time, would it really hurt if I was dead?
     
  2. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    Think of the grief it'd cause your mom... To have to make funeral arrangements, amidst all her hard times already...

    Plus, think of how much SF would miss you.

    :hug:
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    There are so many other ways to approach the journey of finding one's identity..have you sought any help to give you some guidance along the way? also, it might be helpful to post what you are feeling/thinking and see if ppl here might be able to add some knowledge ... best of luck and please be safe...it is difficult when one does not have 'adequate parenting' to know one's worth....but by the looks of your post, you are smart and insightful...these are traits we need more of in the world...big hugs, J
     
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    You can still find yourself but the only way that will happen is if you keep on living. You still have people who care for you, i'm sure that's one of many things worth living for.
     
  5. Name19

    Name19 Member

    When I was younger I saw my Father only as someone evil who had betrayed my family and harmed my mother, I had no one to look up to.While our stories are different are situation was the same, so to speak I looked up to my Father's shadow meaning that the model I followed was everything that my father wasen't, were he failed I would prevail sorta thing.Having a younger brother caused me to forget about my own role model and setting and example for him.

    Im not sure if my message is clear but what Im trying to say is strive to be all that your Dad was not, show to him..no...show to yourself that your the better person.
     
  6. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Life is hard.... you can't blame everything on your family.

    Parents are people too, they make mistakes.
    I am not saying what has happened to you is right or wrong.
    I am trying to tell you that you are not the only child with family problems.
     
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