Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by BelovedDreamer, Oct 29, 2006.

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  1. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    I can’t even write anymore
    You are everywhere in it
    It pains me.
    I am sick to death of being haunted
    By a person who wanted nothing to do with me.
    Who fucked with my head
    And made me question my mind.
    But you are everywhere in me
    Like a sickness.
    And every time I wonder where you are
    And if you are safe
    And if you are happy
    I betray myself a little more.
    You moved my body
    It is rare that I should feel
    Such a visceral need.
    I wanted you as I wanted breath.
    And every time you turned your head
    Or closed your eyes
    Or freed a fleeting smile
    I lost that breath.
    I hate how I still shake when I think of you
    Still turn my head
    when someone with your posture walks by
    or when I pass by a place you once called home.
    I hate how even now
    Just the thought of seeing you
    Makes me want to pray
    Or cross my fingers in hope.
    I hate how I doubt myself
    Every time I think of you
    And wonder how it could be possible
    That I could have been too strange
    Too mad or too broken
    For someone so strange and so mad and so broken.
    I still want to curl up into a ball of hurt
    And ponder the ironic cruelty
    That even the mad don’t want the mad.
    Mostly I just hate how
    Every time I go to write you away
    Draw you out of my blood
    I just retrace the same silly grief
    And realize one more time
    That I still don’t know how to let go
    And there is no way to let this wound be.
    I hate that I feel like I’ve written this poem before
    And I know that I’ll write it again.
  2. Once again, in the most insightful and expressive way, you plumb the depths of the vulnerable, haunted soul and heart with your words. I'm just awestruck Beloved. I really am. The inimitable and succinct way you let others see inside you is a true wonder. And I'm sorry for your pain and frustration - I've been haunted by an 'encounter' myself - at a time when I thought it had brought oh-so-welcome relief, it too only brought searing grief - tearing apart all that was left of my already shattered being. Frightening the power we can have over each other, and your words are as searing for their blunt, unapologetic nakedness...

  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dearly Beloved;

    Once again... you've done it! Topped yourself, written feelings that can barely be described, but you've described them so so well, painfully but clearly. Like writing with a shard of glass for a pen...:sad: ...with blood for ink. You're supremely talented, just wish like mad you didn't have to suffer so to produce such works of genius.:sad:


  4. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    I read your poem last night and was speechless... even now lol I still dont know what to say other than 'absolutely fantastic', but even that doesnt do justice to this!

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