finished

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Feb 18, 2014.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    weather has forced me to stay in for lunch at work for the last couple of weeks

    usually i go out to one fast food place or another to get out of the office - easier to eat alone that way

    today in the cafeteria is all started becoming too much - all the voices, all the people - none of whom i can talk to - none of whom so much as say hi or nod when i walk past

    now i can't shake the feeling of being mind-numbingly, painfully alone - i'm just a part of the machine that interests no one - can't ignore it or rationalize it or bury it down

    alone at the office - alone at home - lost interest in tv, movies, music - stay in the living room just long enough to make an appearance, hoping my wife and daughters don't start fighting, then, if i'm lucky, i have one cat or another for bedtime company until they decide they want out

    i want out too

    heart is pounding and i can't slow it down - i just want to make it stop
     
  2. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    How long have you felt thus way.

    Is it something you had before and if so how did it start and end.

    Have you told your doctor. This important that you do let someone know.

    Do the family know.

    Keep posting please.
     
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    doctor useless

    no point in telling family

    this is the only place i have left
     
  4. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    Thanks for coming back. Thats good to see.

    Can i ask why you are not keen on doctor or telling family.
     
  5. justsomegirl

    justsomegirl Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry you are feeling so lonely; I'll bet it's not a very good feeling at all. I do agree with above posters in that you should at least talk to a doctor. It doesn't even have to be your regular doctor; go two towns over. But it might be worth getting some professional input because you deserve to feel better.
     
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Doctors gave up on me years ago

    Can't talk to psychs

    I have no life

    Marking time until I die
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    There are new doctors you can approach the ones that gave up on did not give up on you hun they did not have the skills to help you ok they gave up on themselves hugs to y ou
     
  8. justsomegirl

    justsomegirl Well-Known Member

    Agreed with total eclipse, that's the doctor not having the skills or know-how to help you. With a little Internet research you can probably find a doctor that specializes in exactly what you need. You don't deserve to live your life ticking down the moments.
     
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    No - won't be a pharmaceutical guinea pig again
     
  10. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    for my "modified" job they assign me problems to resolve - problem is that i am not qualified to resolve the problems they give me and i have them assign them to someone else

    makes me useless as well as lonely

    got bruises from hitting myself in the head in frustration

    pulled out my hidden office kit - been staring at it for the last 20 minutes

    why shouldn't i use it?
     
  11. justsomegirl

    justsomegirl Well-Known Member

    Okay, what kind of reason do you want not to use it? Here's a practical one: it's difficult to pull that stuff off in an office.

    If you're feeling overwhelmed at work it's always okay to speak with someone; your boss, if you feel comfortable, HR if you're feeling overwhelmed and need some time off. I know you're against it but I still suggest you seek out a counselor. Even online you can chat with someone, if you're worried about being in person or about the cost.

    I'm really, really sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed today. Can you take a half day and go do something for yourself? (I think you said home is stressful too.)

    I'm going to stay logged in for a bit in case you respond. Please don't do anything drastic, and if you feel you are in danger of doing so I strongly encourage you to contact a medical professional.
     
  12. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    hang in there buddy, we like you here.
     
  13. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    HR is the LAST group you should ever talk to - they're there to protect the company - not me

    Boss would be no help but cause he would end up going to HR

    Chat - I can't handle chat - I freak out

    Can't use kit at work but it's a safe place to keep it - never been only option - surrounded by options
     
  14. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    fuck this shit - i can't take it any more

    they keep giving me things to fix that i can't understand - they try to explain but i can't follow it - almost broke down in front of a coworker in frustration

    can't quit - nowhere else to go - no place that wants a broken down thing like me

    head is filling with kind of "accidents" i could have on the way home

    going to hide in the restroom but i don't know what else to do
     
  15. GoodbyeDeath

    GoodbyeDeath Member

    Take a week off work and go on holiday somewhere alone. do stuff you enjoy
     
  16. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    keep trying.
     
  17. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    Please let your supervisor know the dificulty with work projects.

    This will relieve some tension from you.

    Dispose safely of whatever it is you have in your kit.

    Come back and tell us how you got on.
     
  18. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    even if i took time off i have nowhere to go or the money to get there

    already spoke to supervisor days ago but nothing's changed

    not going to get rid of the kit - can easily reassemble it anyway

    had to cook dinner for everyone when i got home - sitting and watching games shows but could care less

    listening to everyone arguing

    no one sitting here realizes how close i am to dead
     
  19. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Wastingecho.

    I agree the pressure of work gets to you but just keep posting here. Take care. You can do it. Respect
     
  20. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Work, home - all the same - everything showing me how worthless and unwanted I am

    Trying - on train now - another hour and and a half to another state so I can be useless in two

    Heart feels like lead in my chest

    Have that song "dumb ways to die" stuck in my head but my version is a lot more practical
     
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