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Finnally told some one

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Dudly, Jun 21, 2007.

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  1. Dudly

    Dudly Well-Known Member

    Finnally told someone that I was molested when I was 4. I told the person I loved and I thought loved me. He says hes not gay. Ofcourse hes gay hes been dropping hints for years. doesnt like girls but he claims hes not!! Wtf am I suppose to do this is so embarrising. Or maybe Ive been wrong all these years...I dont fucking know anymore. I think hes in denial...yet he acts gay all the time
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    i am glad you were able to tell someone about what happened to you. If he doesn't want a relationship, can you still remain friends? i can't say what he is of course, but whether he is in denial or not, he is not ready it doesn't sound like. Don't be embarrassed for sharing your feelings. Take care. Try to talk to him about at least maintaining your friendship. :hug:
  3. Dudly

    Dudly Well-Known Member

    Yes we are still friends. But the problem still he remains. I wish I knew if he was telling the truth or lying. I cant say 100% hes lying but Im pretty damn sure. I dont know why he'd lie...but its not a good time for him to lie to me. I would think if I took the will power to say that, the least he could do is not lie.
  4. Twisted Sweet Lies

    Twisted Sweet Lies Well-Known Member

    Why does it matter if he's gay? I can understand if you want to go out with him or something but other then that why would it matter?
  5. Dudly

    Dudly Well-Known Member

    Im not sure I understand your question Twisted Sweet Lies. If I had to answer your question Id say it matters because I love him and I Know he loves me. I know what he is. I just cant figure out why he wont admit it. I only consider the possiblity that he is not gay because a seed of doubt is planted. As you know or may not; that can make you believe anything no matter how ridiculaus it is. Its all I can ever think about now and its driving me insane. Im just sitting here, waiting for him to come to me.
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    He may not be ready to face the possibility that he is gay or maybe he doesn't want to be. The possibilty exists that he isn't either. Maybe he is telling you the truth. Maintain your friendship and perhaps, if it is meant to be, things will develop at a pace he can handle. If not you must accept it.
  7. Chemical Chaos

    Chemical Chaos Active Member

    are you okay now?

    sometimes our minds distort things...when we really want someone to be something...the mind tricks us into believing it is so.

    either that, or maybe youve been messed about. if so, i'm truly sorry...

    and well done for speaking up! this alone prooves your a strong person, and i'm in awe of you. :)

    keep strong,
    Draven xxx
  8. Dudly

    Dudly Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the adivce. The only reason why I need to speak with him about this subject is because I need to let him know Im impotent. So he doesnt waste anymore time waiting on me. If my mind has been messing with me; then I have been delusional for 6 years now. Sometimes you just know somethings true.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 25, 2007
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I wouldn't say that he would be wasting time on you just because you are impotent. If a person truly loves someone, that wouldn't matter. I do understand your need to let him know though, if a relationship were to develop. I hope you are able to resolve this soon. :hug:
  10. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend


    For starters, i'm gay too, and along with a load of other stuff that messed with my head for a long long time.

    He might just be scared, I know a Bi lad that thought it was hugely entertaining to flirt with me, all the time, we get on really well, then I told him I was gay, all of a sudden, things have ground to a halt, he doesn't answer my texts any more, then the other night, he came over at 01.00 am for a beer and a chat, he was so nervous, I knew what he really wanted so did he, nothing was said, it was just obvious, but despite my trying to help him, just say it, he couldn't, got scared and gave me the whole, I think I'm straight talk.

    Yeah, like any str8 bloke you have ever met, has ever said, I THINK I'm str8, but that is his choice, its one thing to have a "relationship" with a guy, its totaly different, if one of you calls it "gay", then it can be quite scarey for some people, it like if they don't say "gay" then its not gay.

    No doubt, if I had told my guy I was Bi, we would have been up to stuff weeks ago, but I don't want a relationship built on lies, and at a guess he doesn't really want a relationship at all, its just a sex thing.

    As for the impotent thing, that deosn't have to be the be all and end all of sex, and in most cases, medical help is available, plenty of people gay and straight, have relationships, where sex isn't the most important part.

    If you really have loved each other for the past six years, then there is no reason it has to be such a big deal now.

    Just one word of caution, I too suffer from the he must be gay because I am gene, it cost me one very very good freind, he's now married and try to have children, I know your thinking lots of married guys are gay, and yes, shock horror ladies, that is also true, but if you are lonely, and easily get involved with people emotionaly, like I do, it can be very easy to only see what you want to see, only hear what you want to hear.

    That's what I did, and ended up hurting my now ex-friend very badly, gay or straight, this was someone I cared about and that was the last thing I wanted to do, for what ever reason
  11. ybt

    ybt Guest

    to be fair, he could be bi...
  12. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    bi...or as i sometimes put it, heteroflexable.

    ...maybe he's like one of my friends. all show. he's straight but he jokes around nearly kissing guys all the time and i keep trying to make him finally do it but he always pulls away or something and i laugh and then kick him in the shin. he shouldn't play at it and make fun of how others really feel.

    ..just thought i'd add my little story of similar behavior. that's all.
    eth ned.
  13. Dudly

    Dudly Well-Known Member

    Okay, I guess I wont harrass him about it. Cant afford to lose a friend right now. Its all a can do not to scream liar in his face. Time keeps draggin but I guess I can deal. Might see him this weekend. Havent since I talked to him on msn about it. Seems like a dream, like I never said it to him. So I wont bring the subject up anymore. Im curious to what way he will act. I might go mad if he keeps doing those jesters and saying thoses things while he lies through his teeth. Thanx again for the advice, probably avoided a diaster.
  14. Dudly

    Dudly Well-Known Member

    Haha I was so pathetic back then. Still not sure what my friends sexuality is. Maybe he's asexual. He's chilling in Japan right now. I guess loneliness changes a person.
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