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Firey Tailspin

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Eleventyone, Oct 20, 2011.

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  1. Eleventyone

    Eleventyone Member

    I get suicidal thoughts a lot, but today was worse than ever... The past thirty days has been worse than ever.

    The reason I want to kill myself is because I get bad thoughts I can't get rid of. I see awful things happen in my head that I can't get rid of...I used to have a little control over them...I would be able to stop them, but for some reason I can't anymore. I see horrible things happen and can't look away...and I get a sense of dread that is so strong now I can barely leave my room. It's like a icy lead ball in my chest all the time...with skin crawling sensation. I had to force myself not to cry all day. I could handle this before, but a few days ago it felt like if my soul were a plane, one of the engines went out and now I'm in a firey tailspin headed toward certain doom. I'm not sure what caused it, but it's to a point where it physically hurts.

    I'm going to try and call my psychiatrist tomorrow, but I highly doubt she'll be able to do anything anytime soon.
  2. yd4

    yd4 Member

    I read your post but I wasn't sure what to say to help you feel better. I hope your bad thoughts go away but how did it go with your psychiatrist? Did she help any?
  3. Eleventyone

    Eleventyone Member

    Thank you for your kind words :)

    Er...she never actually answered my message...
  4. Eleventyone

    Eleventyone Member

    I mean, my psychiatrist never answered my message. That's what I meant.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It sounds like depression with anxiety, Maybe a little skyzophrenia in there also..I'm not a doctor but can relate to some of what you said..See you pdoc as soon as you can.. Maybe call his office and get yourself put on a cancellation list..If someone cancels then you can move up to there slot..
  6. Eleventyone

    Eleventyone Member

    Oh dear, I hope it isn't schizophrenia o_O A few people I knew actually had it and were committed. I did used to hear voices...
  7. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member


    I'm sure you would know already if it was schizophrenia - meds control it anyhow - I know people who have it and its not an issue - plus - you likely have dissociation - maybe not talking about things - little things build up and you think your tail-spinning.

    Hearing voices is 'normal' to some degree - think about it long enough - you 'can' hear a jumble of background noise - your own doubts also.

    I would not panic over having Schizophrenia - but I'm not a doc either!

    Try not to jump to big conclusions.

    Depression is treatable - can seem a lot worse than it is and maybe your life has other things going on - do not wish to intrude - but we have things going on I guess and stuff that has gone on.

    Barely socialising does not help - just a friend to talk to would help as much as the psych - family maybe? You ever reached out to anyone over this?

    hope this finds you in better spirits tomorrow.


    Hope you can see a doctor if not the psych - are you on any meds at the moment?

    Sometimes they can cause bad thoughts.

    For some they reverse it.

    Hope this helps - I'm off for a sleep which is also good - and if your sleeping too much or not enough - that can make you bad - as can not eating and so on and not getting fresh air.

    Work might be getting you down - if indeed you do work.

    Lots of reasons to be down - and lots not to be down over but you might get down anyhow.

    Not forever though.

    Good luck and hope you see someone soon or talk to someone you know or open up here as others will have been through this. :smile:
  8. Eleventyone

    Eleventyone Member

    Re: Depression!

    I am on medication, I'm on Lamotrigine and Lorazepam. I take the Lorazepam only when I have panic attacks, though. Work is getting me down...it's not a job I like, I just needed money. Also, I suck at it.

    You see, the schizophrenia worries me because I'm also been having more hallucinations that usual. I see little black animals and darting lights.
  9. Eleventyone

    Eleventyone Member

    Re: Depression!

    Also, I don't really talk to too many about this... I have one friend who already said to my face that she's scared of me and mom and dad are a little old fashioned. They don't believe that people have mental illnesses, they believe people pretend they do to get attention.
  10. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    Re: Depression!

    Well, no offense, but you're parents are a little ignorant then. Because some people do have mental problems.

    I think you may have severe clinical depression. Since your parents seem to think that doesn't exist, you may not be able to convince them that you need to see a counselor or need to go into a hospital.

    Perhaps you could convince them?
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