I get suicidal thoughts a lot, but today was worse than ever... The past thirty days has been worse than ever. The reason I want to kill myself is because I get bad thoughts I can't get rid of. I see awful things happen in my head that I can't get rid of...I used to have a little control over them...I would be able to stop them, but for some reason I can't anymore. I see horrible things happen and can't look away...and I get a sense of dread that is so strong now I can barely leave my room. It's like a icy lead ball in my chest all the time...with skin crawling sensation. I had to force myself not to cry all day. I could handle this before, but a few days ago it felt like if my soul were a plane, one of the engines went out and now I'm in a firey tailspin headed toward certain doom. I'm not sure what caused it, but it's to a point where it physically hurts. I'm going to try and call my psychiatrist tomorrow, but I highly doubt she'll be able to do anything anytime soon.