I tried to hang myself tonight. It was so different from all the ways I'd pictured it and planned it. I was preparing to self harm and suddenly I just felt this despairing resolve...or maybe I didn't. I hardly remember now why I decided to kill myself in the end. I have been trying to stave off the desire to do it for days, weeks, months, years. >.< And tonight I just did it. And next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor. The belt had snapped. I remember screaming and screaming and crying and screaming more... I'm alive. I tried to kill myself and I am alive. ...I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.