First attempt was almost 10 years ago

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by BigCityDreams, Dec 1, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. BigCityDreams

    BigCityDreams Member

    Hello everyone,

    I'm 32 years old, almost 33.
    My first attempt was on May 14, 2003 at age 23. From age 13 onward my life has been for the most part pretty unhappy and lonely. I had a stepfather who didn't want me around. I felt like his negative thoughts permeated me. And they did. If anyone has read up on "psychic attacks." I believe they were unintentional, and he didn't have any idea that's what he was doing to me, but he was doing it nonetheless. Sending me psychic attacks. It's only recently I've come to realize this.

    But I'm getting older and more tired. I feel like I don't want to try anymore. I have nothing I'm leaving behind. No husband or children. I've never had a real relationship, really.

    (mod edit-methods)J.
    I'm giving life one more chance. I am a writer. I will try to get into school. I'm going to enter a writing contest, deadline May 20, 2013. A 3500 word short story contest. I'll see what I can do with that.

    But I'm making two sets of plans - for life. (mod edit-method)

    But every week for years, I've been saying "this week. this week I'm going to sit down and write. get something going. go out and socialize. exercise."

    I never do. I am too tired. I procrastinate. It's like there's this invisible shield between me and life or something. I can't make myself get up and even try.

    I will do what I can to offer comfort to anyone who needs it here. Especially the ones who've made up their mind to really overcome this. I'm trying. But this is about the last time I am going to be able to try. I don't have much more energy for it.

    Glad to be here. I will not gloat on my story too much more than this. But I have no real friends. I've never had a real relationship. No children. A lot of people don't like me. (I can tell.) I will not leave much of a void.

    Everyone says that about suicides. She had so much to live for, so much going on, so many friends. Everyone loved him/her.
    That's not me. I don't think - if they're truly being honest - anyone would truly have anything good to say about me or any positive memories.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 1, 2012
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    bigcitydreams welcome .. i edited your welcome and first post here cause you discussed mehtods of taking your life.. please read the rules and guidlines within the first forum at top of login page.. what you did is not allowed on here..

    we are very pro life here. do not promote death and giving up.. we are a peer to peer support grouup of very caring people.. not pros, just peers that try to supoport and help those troubled.. lots of other people here that have a lot of the same thoughts adn feelings as you .. take a look at the rest of the forums.. maybe a couple that you may feel hits a chord adn post there also.. chatrooms are busy also.. good luck with the writing and the contest..

    you take care and please stay safe.. later, Jim
  3. BigCityDreams

    BigCityDreams Member

    sorry for breaking the rules. that seems to be the main point that is wanting to be driven across. far more than wishing anyone well, but thanks.

    "oh and good luck with the writing." (afterthought.) LOL

    i would think someone making an effort to create something to look forward to would be a huge thing to shine a light on, but alas, the main point is "i broke a rule." fair enough. will carefully sit down and read through them. i actually read the link earlier before registering, i must've missed that.

    that said, definitely not sold on this place as a site that can really help me. i've been feeling this way a long time and i'm bitter. and definitely not likeable. this isn't going to be a cutsie-pie, wrap-it-up-in-a-little bow case.
    i'm serious.

    ok, ban me now. (LOL that would give me my definitive answer. then i'll KNOW it's just a game to you guys.)
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 1, 2012
  4. midnightstar

    midnightstar Senior Member

    Please give us a chance to try and help you, come into chat if you like and get to know some of us :hug: Good luck with the writing :hug:
  5. Python

    Python Member

    Welcome to SF.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Stick around hun share some of your writing with us ok It takes time to make a connection wherever one goes Jim was just giving you a nudge to perhaps reread rules so no infractions would be given This site is one of the best forums i have ever been on hun as the compassion here is real. I hope you continue to reach out ok hugs
  7. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi BCD honey - PLEASE stay and experience more of what TE said hun - we are only human too on this site, and like you say, it is certainly possible to send out the wrong message without meaning to. I am sorry for the stepfather vibes, could not have been pleasant. His "saving grace" I suppose, is that you know that for him he did not mean intentional harm.

    I do understand about the tiredness and lack of energy/motivation in climbing the mountain. I wish you all the best things in the world regarding your writing aspirations...... just an aside here, but last night a young lassie one New Zealand's Got Talent - she writes her own songs and performs them with a guitar - and she won it with a song entitled "Where do you find love?" - and the raw emotion and feeling that she put into touched everyone's heart - the judges and all the people who voted her the winner.

    You have the same precise ability to express yourself honey, and I wish you every success :)
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.