Hello everyone, I'm 32 years old, almost 33. My first attempt was on May 14, 2003 at age 23. From age 13 onward my life has been for the most part pretty unhappy and lonely. I had a stepfather who didn't want me around. I felt like his negative thoughts permeated me. And they did. If anyone has read up on "psychic attacks." I believe they were unintentional, and he didn't have any idea that's what he was doing to me, but he was doing it nonetheless. Sending me psychic attacks. It's only recently I've come to realize this. But I'm getting older and more tired. I feel like I don't want to try anymore. I have nothing I'm leaving behind. No husband or children. I've never had a real relationship, really. (mod edit-methods)J. I'm giving life one more chance. I am a writer. I will try to get into school. I'm going to enter a writing contest, deadline May 20, 2013. A 3500 word short story contest. I'll see what I can do with that. But I'm making two sets of plans - for life. (mod edit-method) But every week for years, I've been saying "this week. this week I'm going to sit down and write. get something going. go out and socialize. exercise." I never do. I am too tired. I procrastinate. It's like there's this invisible shield between me and life or something. I can't make myself get up and even try. I will do what I can to offer comfort to anyone who needs it here. Especially the ones who've made up their mind to really overcome this. I'm trying. But this is about the last time I am going to be able to try. I don't have much more energy for it. Glad to be here. I will not gloat on my story too much more than this. But I have no real friends. I've never had a real relationship. No children. A lot of people don't like me. (I can tell.) I will not leave much of a void. Everyone says that about suicides. She had so much to live for, so much going on, so many friends. Everyone loved him/her. That's not me. I don't think - if they're truly being honest - anyone would truly have anything good to say about me or any positive memories.