first deep cut in a few weeks

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by meagainstme, Apr 26, 2007.

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  1. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    i havent cut for nearly two months [due to making promises]
    however i did scratch myself a few times, but that was nothing.

    and today, just, in the bath, i did a nice deep cut along my arm.
    it felt so good, but my mind is angry with me cus it knows i can cut even deeper.

    im being told to try again until i cut deep enough. but what is enough? i had to go to A&E before. i dont want to go again, but the desire to cut deep is strong.

    the bleeding has already stopped, which disappoints me. i love watchin the blood pour for a while. i want to stab the cut to make it bleed more.

    im so fucking sick.
    this voice in my head is fucking sick. it loves it. and makes me love it.:blink:
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    It's a good thing the cut has stopped bleeding now. You may not be happy about it as you like seeing the blood but I'm sure you know if it kept bleeding then that almost certainly would have meant A&E again for you. Please keep an eye on the cut, keep it clean etc to minimise the risk of infection.

    I can relate well to your post, I went through exactly the same thing last night and the self harm is taking control to an extent where you don't have control anymore. It's overwhelming and when it gets to this stage you need to try and pull the control back because otherwise it will most likely be a downward slope.

    Have you tried confiding in someone, maybe a doctor or therapist about how you're feeling at the moment? At the beginning of your post you say you promised someone, if you tell them, they will most likely understand and will want to be there for you? Also have you tried any type of therapy or seen a doctor. Perhaps thats a route you can consider.

    You can resist the self harm voice telling you to hurt yourself more. You can. You resisted for a few weeks, and you can do it again. I suggest you keep yourself occupied if you can, there's a sticky topic at the top of this forum with a list of ideas. Take care of yourself.
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