first ever poem

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by *dilligaf*, Jan 15, 2008.

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  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    starting to regret posting this now :laugh:

    Hot. searing. piercing pain,
    Has gotten a hold on me.
    Teeth in, claws out,
    Tearing me apart.
    Can't see the end.
    Don't remember the past.
    How long can this last??

    I know its a bit short but what do you think? :unsure:
  2. Dudly

    Dudly Well-Known Member

    Its great, I like it. Who cares if its short? I myself prefer less words because you focus more on them, making something magnificent. Does the poem describe something that has to happened in that past, that effects some one to this day? As well as not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel in sight? And now they are coming undone?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 21, 2008
  3. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    It doesn't matter how long or short or whether it rhymes or doesn't. That was a good poem.
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thank you both,

    Dudly, it describes my feelings on grief :hug:
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

  6. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    very nice hun :hug:
  7. Crying All Time

    Crying All Time Well-Known Member

    nice poem hun
  8. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    keep writing your feelings. there is no good or bad poetry. Its all feelings. Keep writing them down.:smile:
  9. forlorn

    forlorn Staff Alumni

    I like your poem post some more Sam:smile:
  10. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Thanks all.

    And forlorn, I have one more I'll post later :smile:
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