First post and probably the last

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ethelred, Oct 8, 2008.

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  1. ethelred

    ethelred Member

    Where to start?

    Never been popular. Never had any real friends at school. The few I would hang around with don't want to know me anymore. Shit job, no future, no girlfriend and never even had one.
    It's laughable really.
    Been contemplating suicide for the past three years but only recently decided it was an option. Even if I do achieve something, what's the point? I'll end up dying anyway. I never asked to live in the first place.
    I imagine most people's lives are good with a few bad points. Mine is all bad with a few good points. I see people happy and popular everyday enjoying life and of course I'm ALWAYS alone. No one gives a shit about me. The ones that profess to only care because it would make THEM feel bad if I did it. THEY'd cry, THEY'd be upset. Suicide is the only way out.
    Every day for the past year I've gone to sleep (or tried to) and WISHED I would not wake up but like torture I always do and another day of my pointless life begins.
    I'm just sick of it and I'm going to kill myself by jumping off a tall building. It will be quick and once I jump there's no turning back.

    The only thing I look forward to these days is going to sleep but even that's becoming more difficult so I look forward to permanent oblivion where I won't wake up again.

    It makes me laugh reading on here about some girl that's left you! Haha at least you had one! No girl wants me. I've been rejected so many times I just gave up!

    Thanks for letting me vent and I'm sure the site is in the best intentions and everything but what are you trying to achieve by stopping people committing suicide? You're just prolonging people's misery.
    It's like keeping a terminally ill person who's permanently in pain, alive. Suicide is like euthanasia in a way I suppose.

    I hate the way the world is set up. I have an IQ nearing 150 and have a shit job yet I applied for better ones and they won't have me. Too much nepotism and corruption. I say the happy ones are welcome to the wprld. THey're all cowards. Afraid to die. Trying to prolong their youth. I see the inevitable and see the pointlessness of life and realize there's no point in going on. it's logical really.

    When the "happy" ones are all depressed because they're old and nearing the end of their pointless lives, I will already be dead because I was brave enough to embrace mortality and to face the inevitable rather than running away from it the whole time like everyone else.

    My life is like a prison. I'm trapped inside and I can't get out. Death is my escape. Where I'm finally free from the things that made me so unhappy in the first place. Unpopular, no girl etc.

    So wish me luck and hope that I die quickly because believe me, I hope I do it soon.
     
  2. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Hello ethelred, it's easy to believe that everyone else has a better job, a girlfriend, loads of friends etc but you know that's just not so! You are not the only young man who feels like you do, you are not alone. But right now it is you who is important, you who feels life is not worth living, I'm glad you have found Sf and hope that by talking here you will begin to work though these feelings.
    Have you had counselling or talked to your doctor about how you are feeling?
    What have you tried to improve the situation you are in? If your life were different, how would you feel?

    Take care
    Hazel


     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Ehtelred,
    Life is made up of selfish people now adays. They only want what they can get from you!! Now it is in your hands am I going to get screwed over or am I going to stand strong on my two feet.
    I don't know many people who are truly happy nowadays! It is going to be up to you just who you let in your world! Suicide should not be an option to you because there are several pathes to explore! The quality of life is what you make of it. If you want to be miserable all the time, then you will be. If you want some peace in your life then embrace the thoughts, you see it is up to you to make it what you want.
    As far as a relationship goes, once you learn to be intimate with your self then you will be able to start looking for that one person who sets your heart on fire. Personality has alot to do with it also!! If you walk around moping all the time people will not approach you. Take Care My Friend!!~Joseph~
     
  4. Minni

    Minni Member

    Ok, I'm going to be totally honest to you: I felt the same way as you do a long time ago. I felt like nobody cared and that my parents were just useless and that my life was nothing but a prison. A prison that kept me alive like a neverending toture. But someday I realized that I was just pitying myself. That's what you're doing right now too. I used to be a real nerd in school. Nobody cared about me and if they did it was only to get their hands on my homework. I was being used and I was fine with it because the popular ones were at least talking to me.
    When I switched school people were different. I was popular I had friends. But it came with a prize. I had to go through a lot of bad stuff in order to get to the top. I had to fake every smile and laugh. Make fun of other people and all those kinda things. I was popular but I wasn't happy with it. You don't know how it feels to not be yourself. Because being popular means being manipulated. You try to be someone you're not by making other people like you. You're living up to their expectations if you want to be popular. That's when I realized how free and just wonderful it is to just be me and to have people around me who accept the real me. I would rather have no friends than to be someone I'm not. I'm strong enough to at least pull that much off. You are too.
    First of all: have you ever lived someone else's life? Of course not, then how do you know that they've never suffered as much as you did? Popular people are the unhappiest among all of us. Why? Because they are fake. There is no way to make every person like you, since everyone is different and has his/her own point of views. You can't make everyone like you unless you lie and fake everything you do. You say this site is to prolong someone's misery? It's not. Why are you posting here? I guess because you want to vent your feelings towards someone. You don't care whom but someone. And someone is listening to you right now. I can hear you. And I'm sure you feel better knowing that at least some people around this world can hear you and want to hear you.

    Bravery has nothing to do with choosing to die early. The way you have written it. It sounds like an excuse in order to justify your decision. If you think it's right then why are you trying to justify it? I guess you don't want to die but can't see a different way to escape your life.
    If you don't care about living, why don't you just care less about popularity? I know everyone wants to be the bright star up there. Feeling as if you were the biggest. But you know what? You are already shining bright as hell. Because you are you. (gosh..this sounds weird. like in those romance movies....-.-) anyways...back to this: what I mean is that you only exist once in this world. And what do you gain of death? Nothing. What do you gain of life? Pain and happiness. You just have to find your way out of your chaos in your head. And find your way. Because nobody here is able to help you find this way but yourself.
    The only thing I'm gonna wish you is happiness and strength to go on.
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with Minni! The choices are yours. You can't expect others to make them for you. Good Luck And Keep Posting!!!~Joseph~
     
  6. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Ethelred,

    You obviously have so much pain in your life. Please, stick around and let us try and help you. Life, is surely worth that one last try?

    :hug:
     
  7. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Don't give up on life yet. you never know what brilliant thing might be just around the corner. we are all here to offer our support when we can. pm me anytime you need. :hug:
     
  8. ethelred

    ethelred Member

    Thanks everyone. I will stick around the forum.
    I never wanted to be popular. Indeed I was quite happy when I had a few close friends with whom to confide but now I have NO ONE.

    I hate it when people pretend to be friendly and then walk past you and ignore you on purpose. it happens all too often and I genuinely believe there isn't a real friendly person out there.
     
  9. palmtrees

    palmtrees Well-Known Member

    Dude...I could have written every word of your post myself. One thing I've noticed, though, is that people do look happier but in reality everyone is pretty fucked up and nobody knows what they're doing. Once you realize that you can use it to your advantage.
     
  10. Bleedingroses

    Bleedingroses Member

    eth all i got to say is you sound like me but then there was that one person i hit the bottom and was going to kill myself just like you but there was that one person that came and helped me out of the pit i had dug for my grave and now im happy just remember if your at this stage that person is none to far off just wait for that one person and your life will be complete
     
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