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first post, in need of help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by towei, Nov 17, 2009.

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  1. towei

    towei Member

    Hi all,
    here it goes – my first post…
    Let me give you the background to why I’ve joined SF: in the middle of July my wife as of five years (we’ve been a couple for 10 years) told me she wants a divorce. I love her so much, and since day 1 I’ve done everything in my power to make her happy. She struggled with depression, and has always told me that I saved her life, and that I helped her with her self-esteem. Now she is a strong woman, strong enough to leave me. We talked things thru, and decided that she needs to be away from me to “find herself” and to figure things out. We are originally from Sweden, but moved to Spain last year. My wife decided to move back to Sweden, and we made a commitment to try again on April first 2010, when we are going to move back in with each other. We also made a pledge to not engage in any sexual contacts with other people during this separation, and that we should keep in touch and meet up occasionally. So far so good.
    Now – this week-end was one of the week-ends that we planned to spend together, and I went to Sweden. On Friday the 13th (I know…) we had a long and really intense talk. She told me that she just isn’t attracted to me, and that she’s been thinking of how it would feel to make out with someone that she is attracted to. Also she said that she is having doubts about the moving back together part, because she feel really comfortable the way things are right now, having her own apartment, paying her own bills etc etc. Later that evening I was rushed to the emergency room with chest pains and a panic-attack. Mostly because I don’t know what to do. I’m at a turning point in my life, and I’m thinking of terminating it because I just can’t cope with the pain. I don’t speak Spanish – and I can’t find a shrink here. My “so called” friends lives in Sweden, and hasn’t contacted me to ask how I’m doing, or anything. I feel abandoned by my wife, and my friends. Nobody cares about me – I feel so alone in the world.
    So – what’s the point really? Why should I stay here? What have I got to offer to a world that clearly rejects me? I’ve been 200% committed to this relationship, I’ve done everything for her, if she ever wanted to have something – I bought it for her. I helped her through rough times, I coached her in life. I gave her all I have to give, and now it is not enough. I can’t predict the future, but right now I feel like I don’t want to be a part of it. My entire world has fallen apart and I suddenly I’m in a vacuum with nobody to talk to, nobody to love and nobody that loves me back.
    I joined this forum to get tips and tricks in suicidal techniques, but I can’t find it – would someone please point me in a direction, and I’ll try to walk that way.
  2. whytryanymore

    whytryanymore Well-Known Member

    thats not what this forum is about its about helping ppl, however i myself am not one to talk to just trying to keep ppl from bein hurt any more. im ending it now so im not exactly the person to talk to on this but somone is here that will help you just try and hold on
  3. towei

    towei Member

    Thank you for your words. I just dont know what to do anymore...
  4. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    hey welcome to SF :hug:

    im sorry to hear of what you are going through at the moment :( have you thought of suggesting counselling for couples to her? it might help and at least enable you both to sort out your feelings in an open and exploratory environment :unsure: im here if you need to talk
  5. towei

    towei Member

    I suggested couples counseling, but she wasnt interested. Still there is the distance issue...
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm so sorry for what you're going through. :hug:
    This is a pro-life forum, and so nobody here will give you any tips or tell you where to find them. Please stay and keep talking to us. There are people here who will support you, and you don't have to go through this alone. My PM box is always open if you want to talk.
  7. towei

    towei Member

    I started writing my letter yesterday. Naming all the ppl in my lift that ever ment anything to me. But I just kept breaking down - crying my eyes out. Couldn't finish it - am I so worthless that I'm unable to even write a letter???
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You can't write the letter because you are not worthless you are someone who is in pain and suffering. You want the pain to go away right YOu need to get help if she will not go to therapy then you go without her to get help for you.
    Please get yourself strong then maybe if she sees you trying she will try to.
    First of all get yourself therapy the councillor can see one of you it does not have to be both of you together. Don't give up fight okay get some help for you now so the pain lessens some. Don't write that letter put it aside and go get help for you. You deserve help go get it.
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You are NOT worthless!! *hugs* Please don't go through with it. Reach out; keep talking here, and try to get yourself some help.
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