First Post in this Part.

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Matt93, Oct 29, 2010.

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  1. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I wouldn't call it a failed attempt. But I sat last night withxxxx. And I was thinking deeply.

    I started drinking, fast. I got through half a bottle of vodka and just thought, "I'm too much of a fucking xxx to do this."

    And so didn't follow through. Still, I wish I did.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 29, 2010
  2. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    Im glad you didnt :hug:
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Matt...I edited your post but I am more concerned with how you are...please PM and let me know...big hugs, J
  4. dartofabaris

    dartofabaris Well-Known Member

    Dear Matt, i too am glad you didnt. Get it out of your system, talk it through whatever is bothering you. You clearly have motive/s to live and love, they are perhaps hidden to you due to the depressive mood. Drinking (beyond a certain point) isnt a positive coping mechanism. I hope you are feeling better now :hug:
  5. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    In this instance, I'm glad you were a pussy. You saved me and you and probably many others. Keep fighting.
  6. clouds

    clouds Well-Known Member

    Am so glad you didnt carry through with it, is there a little something there giving just the slightest bit of am going to live thought..Really hope there is and it keeps you with us for while longer
  7. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    It's been four days since checking this thread. I am still not glad I didn't go through with it. I'm literally getting worse after everyday. I did some SI today, and it's the worst for a while cause it refused to stop bleeding for about 10 minutes, and it was a lot of blood, and normally that extent of SI makes me better, this time it didn't. I still feel like shit. I still have that vodka, and my dad has a gun. Much, much more effective. Get drunk to the point where I'm thinking so irrationally I just think, "Meh, what the hell." Bang. Yeah, I think so.
  8. AlexElm

    AlexElm Well-Known Member

    Alchohol is actually a downer and causes your thoughts to be muddel. What I think you should do is think it out sober and discuss it with someone you know you can trust or a hotline. I know it would be impossible for me to know what you're going through but I hope you will get better.

    Get better,
  9. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Gah, right now I wish I'd gone through with it more than ever. I don't even think I need alcohol any more, I might just go get my dad's gun, and blow my brains out. Mmm, blood splatters
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Matt please don't go near that crisis line or get to ER and get help...
    there is help out don't need to hurt yourself..
    can you imagine how your father will feel if you do this ? He will never, ever get over it..
    reach out and get help asap..
  11. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member

    you hanging in there?

    please reach out to somebody before reaching for a gun...
    PM me if u wish
  12. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    I'm still here. It's very difficult though.
  13. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member

    good!!! please talk to somebody!!!
    sending hugs

  14. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Agree with IV totally GET HELP for you NOW
  15. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Matt please keep us updated...don't want you to feel isolated in your pain..
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