Hello,
I was brought to this forum when I began to do research about suicide and the various ways in doing it. My research has been very unsatisfying because whenever I look at the consequences of failed attempts, it reminds me about how clumsy I am and that my success rate is probably much lower than the average success rate. So basically, I've been struggling with these thoughts on-and-off for about 2 years. I just recently started to do more research after an incident at work with a female coworker pushed me over the edge. Yes, she did hurt me emotionally--that's what most women in my life seem to do--but this one affected me more because part of me feels like I was ACTUALLY the cause this time. Other times, I'm nice to the woman and give them respect, but with my coworker, it seemed like she was using me. I mean, after only knowing me for 2 months, she would sit at my desk, chat with me, write me notes, and text me constantly. I was happy for a while, but then my past experiences with women like this kicked in and I remember that the guy she talked to all the time was in training, so I thought I was her blanket while he was away.
Not liking this feeling, I threw all of the notes away and began to ignore her. This was a mistake because shortly after I realize how heartless my behaviour must have seemed. She didn't have to write those notes, she didn't have to chat with me, she didn't have to do any of that; she chose to. She chose me out of all of the other coworkers. Now I can't get a straight answer from her. She says that she forgives me, but we don't click like we used to. It's honestly the most heartbreaking experience ever. Now I'm on my own to find the right answer because my conversations with her are short and she's beginning to chat with another male coworker who I consider to be a close friend. I think she's doing it on purpose but I fear I will never find out.
There is much more to tell about myself, but my most recent event is what sent me over the edge. I don't know what to expect from this site, but I'm hoping for some sort of answer to my questions that will go unanswered by my coworker. I'm not very good at giving all of the details, so please feel free to ask me any questions and don't be afraid to pry. I feel that prying into another person's life shows that you care about them.
I was brought to this forum when I began to do research about suicide and the various ways in doing it. My research has been very unsatisfying because whenever I look at the consequences of failed attempts, it reminds me about how clumsy I am and that my success rate is probably much lower than the average success rate. So basically, I've been struggling with these thoughts on-and-off for about 2 years. I just recently started to do more research after an incident at work with a female coworker pushed me over the edge. Yes, she did hurt me emotionally--that's what most women in my life seem to do--but this one affected me more because part of me feels like I was ACTUALLY the cause this time. Other times, I'm nice to the woman and give them respect, but with my coworker, it seemed like she was using me. I mean, after only knowing me for 2 months, she would sit at my desk, chat with me, write me notes, and text me constantly. I was happy for a while, but then my past experiences with women like this kicked in and I remember that the guy she talked to all the time was in training, so I thought I was her blanket while he was away.
Not liking this feeling, I threw all of the notes away and began to ignore her. This was a mistake because shortly after I realize how heartless my behaviour must have seemed. She didn't have to write those notes, she didn't have to chat with me, she didn't have to do any of that; she chose to. She chose me out of all of the other coworkers. Now I can't get a straight answer from her. She says that she forgives me, but we don't click like we used to. It's honestly the most heartbreaking experience ever. Now I'm on my own to find the right answer because my conversations with her are short and she's beginning to chat with another male coworker who I consider to be a close friend. I think she's doing it on purpose but I fear I will never find out.
There is much more to tell about myself, but my most recent event is what sent me over the edge. I don't know what to expect from this site, but I'm hoping for some sort of answer to my questions that will go unanswered by my coworker. I'm not very good at giving all of the details, so please feel free to ask me any questions and don't be afraid to pry. I feel that prying into another person's life shows that you care about them.
