first step, giving up on my dreams

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DatAlgorithm, Dec 4, 2015.

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  1. DatAlgorithm

    DatAlgorithm Well-Known Member

    I'm getting prepared to die, because I've no intention of living too much longer. I was essentially told in a tactful way that my singing sucks and that the best I can do is be some lousy Karaoke host. How the fuck about that... after almost 10 fucking years of research, hard work, vocal exercises etc. and I suck ass still because my voice is shit. I literally sound like a retard when I talk/sing due to me being a pathetic c-section weak-gened baby probably with a couple learning disorders and maybe a speech impediment. My family had me just because having less than 2 children is a satanic sin punishable by damnation (my dad was born/raised Catholic) in Catholicism and the status quo proper. Anyways, I'm sick of all my effort going to shit because there's so many more people that sing leagues better than me, and these motherfuckers DRINK, SMOKE and eat YES for dairy and meat while I drink OVER EIGHT FUCKING GLASSES OF WATER A DAY, do vocal workouts and during competitions I eat as minimally as possible and won't touch dairy during singing competitions... NOPE! NOT GOOD ENOUGH! Hard work NEVER paid off for me; in fact, the people I know who work the hardest (at anything, really) are coincidentally the biggest assholes I ever met. I hate this American Idol/The Voice generation of musicians, so concerned about genetics and cosonance over effort/putting on a show/songwriting. Can you imagine Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Roger Waters, Jello Biarfa, Johnny Rotten, Billy Corgan auditioning for either of those shows? Give me a fucking break! However, this is the age of sell-outs; where even Big Snoop Dogg is doing Old Navy commercials, so I guess it is what it is.

    Thus, I'm going to give up on all my dreams; they're just not possible for me to achieve. I'm just biologically and genetically incapable. I'll soon stop doing impressions, working out, making jokes, acting, singing, everything I ever wanted... because millions can do better than me and I just annoy the shit out of people. It's a dog-eat-dog world and survival of the fittest out there in the only things I ever loved, unfortunately, and one must eat the dead (figuratively or literally) in order to survive, plant or animal. That's why only the best are the happiest and most successful. Hard work is so fucking overrated it isn't funny; it only set me up for the ultimate downfall. It's like if a tree has fucked up roots, it'll be useless no matter HOW good the soil is; some people like me are shattered and can't be put back together. Hard work has just made me depressed and exhausted... and for what? Only to get shat on by prodigies who don't have to lift a fucking FINGER in order to be boss at the things they love doing. I can't wait to finally die, that's really the only thing I'm looking forward to. I haven't had one experience in my life enjoyable enough to warrant me living on, or even made me feel like I'm living other than the delusions that I had a chance in hell of being a famous singer or actor.

    I feel nothing but pain and sadness anymore, I've forgotten how it feels to be happy. Nothing makes me feel happy. I haven't had ONE job or ONE class I've ever enjoyed or improved my life in any way. Back when I wanted to be a guitar virtuoso (before my epic burnout, now I never want to touch a fucking guitar ever again) I tried taking music classes and I actually managed to get WORSE at guitar. I'm of no use to anyone other than as some useless fucking RPG field monster that deserves to be destroyed. I just want to die, and for this all to be over. Everyone will be a lot better off without me. The only ones that want me to live on are people who want someone to destroy for their own sadistic pleasure in order to gain strength themselves. I'm so fucking finished with being a fucking loser who hates being alive and my life being some rejected Alexander Payne movie or some unknown dollar-bin Chris Smith documentary. Death is the only thing that will save me.

    Oh, and anyone who thinks I should just be some fucking miserable writer to "support" myself, FUCK YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU! I HATE writing; I only do it out of necessity since I can't express myself in real life or over the phone since nobody can help me.

    And if this gets deleted, I don't care. Hell I don't even care if I get banned... why should I care if I intend on dying soon anyways?
     
  2. Husky

    Husky Well-Known Member

    Hi DatAlgorithm, I'm so sorry for what you're going through at the moment. I've spent a lot of my life writing songs and singing them and I've been constantly rebuffed with remarks about my songs being too depressing and my voice being so out of tune. I would walk away from the music studio disheartened because I knew I had spent months on that one song.

    What got you into singing in the first place? Something must have attracted you to singing?

    I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life because it's your life to live. However, I really just want you to do what makes you happy in life and do things which you enjoy. I know I still sing at children's events and that makes me happy and it makes the parents and children happy because they like my songs and voice. I guess my question is what will make you happy though?

    I really hope you don't go through with ending your life. You're my friend and I would be sad. I hope things really improve for you. Husky
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I for one do not care what others think of me really who are they . If you enjoy singing then sing there are many places you can sing at many singers who have struggled like you who have gone on and done well for themselves. They took the criticism and they held there head up and just kept doing what they wanted to do so i hope you don't let people get you to give up what your dreams are. They are your dreams not theirs don't let them take anything away from you
     
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