First step?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TDE, Jul 18, 2012.

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  1. TDE

    TDE New Member

    Hi,

    I have used this forum once in the past. Too summarise, I’m a 22 years old french canadian male who have been really depressed in the past year. I have no health or financial problems and I’m a good college student with a promising career. I don’t have a girlfriend and a big social life but I think that it’s the result of me feeling depressed and not the other way around since those are things I’ve had in the past. Today, I’m feeling great and that is the reason why I’m able to write here and ask for help.

    I’ve been considering suicide for a couple mouths now; at first it was more a fantasy than anything else. As time passed, I thought more about it and then I started looking on websites on how it’s done, watched a video of someone hanging himself. The reason I’m writing today is that about 10 days ago I was alone in my apartment in the afternoon and I just stood up, strapped a belt on a pole in my closet and put it around my neck. I stood there for about 2 minutes then I just let go so I was partially suspended. I didn’t feel a pain around my neck like I expected, it was rather like my head was going to explode and my eyes get out of my head. Up until then, I was pretty calm and I knew by reading on the internet that you usually passed out in about 15 seconds so I had an adrenaline rush and my heartbeat skyrocketed. I then stood up; I may have passed 3-4 seconds suspended. I don’t know if I was really going to go through with it, it was like in a dream, I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing. Feel great to talk about it even though I don’t know you.

    I’m asking for help because I feel fine today and don’t feel like dying, which doesn’t happen really often these days. I have trouble talking to people about it, I think my roommates may suspect I’m feeling depressed but can’t see the magnitude of it because I try my best to act confident in public.

    What could be the first step I should take? (It took me all day to write this)
     
  2. rb21

    rb21 Member

    Il n'existe pas un method formal.. But what is it in your life that makes you feel like ending it? Are you saying that maybe it is just brain chemical misfirings that are making you feel this way? Sometimes this is the case.. Hope to hear your response soon. Bon courage mon ami
     
  3. TDE

    TDE New Member

    Honestly, i don't know exactly why i'm depressed. In the beginning, i wasn't feeling happy even though i had everything i need. Now, I don't like life to the point it's depressing me and it's getting me to drink a lot and thinking that dying now is better then die at 83 after spending my life like this. Seriously, if I stay like this, i'm going to kill myself someday. It may not in the next month, but I will not spend a life like this. Like I said , today i feel better than I felt in mounths for no apparent reasons and that's why i'm asking what should I do?

    Bon Français en passant
     
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