First time ever felt like this.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shotmillions, Nov 8, 2009.

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  1. shotmillions

    shotmillions Member

    Hi although ive always thought about suicide never like i did today.

    Basically for the last year i havent spoken to my real mother and for like 6 months havent spoken to my dad because they are both bad people. Anyway i moved into a house with two lesbian girls who are a couple and i call them mummy and daddy.

    Because we got on really well and its slightly comical. Anyway today they told me they didnt want me to call them that anymore and its really really hurt me. I cried for ages and just stayed in my room. I think the main reason is because im like 20 and dont have any close family and in my mind they was that but recently they have shown me they only care about themselfs even just as friends...

    Anyway only family i do have is my sister who since she got married is a very different person and now she has also found jesus. I do have quite a few friends very few close ones though...

    Also last night not sure if its related but im certainly thinking of it. I used to go out with a girl with serious issues she lied loads to me and totally messed me up gave me extreme sleeping problems anxiety attacks ect ect. Which is why now im taking anti depressants ect ect.

    Anyway i accidently bumped into her the other day and she was a total bitch and acted to me like i was no one. My anger has been raging and raging at the fact that everything seems fine with her and she is acting like nothing is wrong at all.

    So last night i sent her a horribly nasty facebook message, i mean it was awful i even made sure to say things that would trigger her to really be hurt. I sopose i just feel jealous that shes all like that now and im still in the shit and will be for along time because of her. But i just think its unfair i should remain so hurt and she gets away with it. Specially since i was so caring to her and other guys treated her like shit apprently and i was so nice and im the one who gets treated like shit and made into a crazy dude.

    Now i look at it im thinking it was a pretty immature attitude to have and im quite scared it might really really affect her life. But should i care seeing as she didnt care anything about me to try and make me better after what she had done?

    Also today after my flatmates told me not to call em mummy and daddy i had for the first time ever feelings of self harm like cutting my wrists and stuff?

    Anyway er thats it

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    ummm, how old are you ?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    im sorry you are feeling so hurt so abandoned by everyone. Revenge may feel good at the time but in the end it only hurts you because you feel so badly about it. You don't have to stoop to her level I don't know if you can apologize or if it will matter even but try. I do hope you still have some good friends to talk to. Anger is such a messed up emotion I use it alot and it does help release the pain but it tends to cause more down the road. Take care and i hope you can find people who can appreciate you and treat you with kindness and respect you deserve Not all people are cruel i hope you find some more kind ones.
  4. shotmillions

    shotmillions Member

    im 20.

    ive lived without family for about 4 years now. my only family is in another country.
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