First time post...loss of connection with others

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Picket, May 29, 2014.

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  1. Picket

    Picket New Member

    Hello, I am not a regular forum user so I feel awkward writing to "the internet" but I really wanted to reach out rather than just isolate as I am feeling very sad and fearful lately.

    As much work as I have done in life to make things better—happier and healthier—I still always find myself wanting to stop living. The feelings come in various ways.

    Once upon a time I had never had any friends and would have a panic attack if I tried to leave the house. A few years and a lot of self-work later, with some medication and therapy and yoga, I am pretty high functioning and now I'm even meeting lots of people regularly and "making friends." But feelings of self-hate pervade, and the anxiety creeps back up, and I don't want my new friends to see me as anxious and depressed, so I hide. Or I drink too much to socialize.

    Human connection is SO important to me, but I'm always stuck between the anxiety of being with people and despair that comes from staying by myself. I would so appreciate any advice or thoughts about this. Thank you for reading.
  2. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    The internet is often the best place to go if you need someone to talk to. I'm really shy, it's hard for me to talk to people because I always think they'll laugh behind my back or they'll insult me for no real reason.
    I've learned that the people who really like you will stay by your side if you show them that you're depressed. It's always bad to pretend everything is okay, it kills you from the inside. And it's like lying to everyone. They won't trust you anymore if they ever find out that you've been lying to them aaaaall along, that's what made it hard for me. I hope I could help you at least a bit.
  3. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    hi Picket,

    I have dealt with depression for almost 30 years. I think with me depression will be a lifelong battle... I have come to accept that as just a fact of my life. By accepting it I am better able to deal with it when it comes on because I don't feel the self-blame strictly for having suicidal or deeply depressive emotions. I suspect for some people, anxiety can be the same way... perhaps you are one of these people.

    Now, when I say I have accepted it, that doesn't mean that I no longer try to do anything about it... I do. I use essential oils, vitamins, relaxation exercises and exercise to help me to cope with my problems. There are some really good essential oils that can help you with anxiety if you are interested in that I can provide you with more information. I use a combination of deep breathing, muscle relaxation and visualization for the relaxation techniques... and for exercise I do simple things like walking and swimming (just doing those will promote your body producing endorphines to help you naturally control depressive feelings... not sure if those same endorphines will help with anxiety) ... I have found doing natural things like that has helped me more than medication or counseling ever did.

    It is good to meet you here and I hope to see you in chat one day.
  4. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I have to agree with Cooki, the internet and a forum like this no matter how little or much you post is a great place when you have depression and/or anxiety. Because you have that empowerment of how much or how little you interact and say what you are comfortable with.

    I hope you stick around and read some posts, write more, and get the support you need here.

    Take care

  5. radioactive_she

    radioactive_she New Member

    Hi, Picket. I'm a new member here too.

    Your anxiety of being with other people, does it eventually lessen as you spend more time in their company? Apart from your anxiety stemming from feelings of self-hate, is it also a matter of needing to feel more comfortable? Try to remind yourself that human connections build over time and/or shared experiences. Knowing that you don't want your new friends to see you as being anxious and depressed speaks in and of itself of your desire to change. Do acknowledge this, and feel good about it. Recognizing that change is needed (and where it is needed) is a good beginning. When your anxiety creeps in, try to keep yourself focused on what is happening in the moment. The conversation you're engaging in... the meal, or the movie, or the jokes you're sharing with them... or that you are breathing in and out at this very moment--these are all good things to focus on.
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