First, let me start off by saying I'm a 22 year old male. Suicidal thoughts seem to be comforting lately. I don't think I'll do anything soon. But I can't say what I'll do in the long run. But I guess no one really can. I wanna tell someone I know but I'm to afraid. I just shut down when it comes to certain things. I don't know why. I've been exhausted and numb for a while now and it's finally broken me. Sometimes at night I'll hold a knife to my wrist or throat just to see how real it gets. But I don't self harm. I'm agnostic and my family doesn't know. So sometimes I wonder if they did know, would they look down on me. I keep thinking nothing I do matters on the cosmic scale. So if nothing matters in the end. Why should I try.