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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by olegnad, Jan 24, 2008.

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  1. olegnad

    olegnad Member

    First, let me start off by saying I'm a 22 year old male.
    Suicidal thoughts seem to be comforting lately. I don't think I'll do anything soon. But I can't say what I'll do in the long run. But I guess no one really can. I wanna tell someone I know but I'm to afraid. I just shut down when it comes to certain things. I don't know why. I've been exhausted and numb for a while now and it's finally broken me. Sometimes at night I'll hold a knife to my wrist or throat just to see how real it gets. But I don't self harm. I'm agnostic and my family doesn't know. So sometimes I wonder if they did know, would they look down on me. I keep thinking nothing I do matters on the cosmic scale. So if nothing matters in the end. Why should I try.
     
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi olegnad. Tell us why you are feeling suicidal? You have to try to be strong and keep on going when things look bleak. Never lose hope that things could get better. Don't give up.
     
  3. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    my family doesnt know about my deppression either. i put a gun to head today and sqeezed the trigger most of they way in but the last maybe like 1/4 of the way, i stopped, i almost had it..
     
  4. olegnad

    olegnad Member

    I'm so numb, tired, and depressed I can't enjoy anything. Doing things like going to a concert or going on a trip seem to be mostly a chore. Like 70%. I was in college but I couldn't do it anymore because I'm so tired. I was also very removed. I could have Avoidant Personality Disorder. But I've never been formally diagnosed. I've never really connected with anybody. Even though I want to, something keeps me from asking for help. I should also mention I have a seizure disorder. Sometimes I just can't see beyond right now. My dad is super religious so I keep thinking if I reveal that I'm agnostic. I might get kicked out of the house. I also wonder if anything I feel is genuine, or if I'm just programed by nature. I'll just start obsessing about how I'm just a brain. When I try and go to sleep I feel extremely lonely and wish someone who understood was there.
     
  5. brokensoul98

    brokensoul98 Well-Known Member

    http://www.avoidantpersonality.com/

    if you think you have this,,ck out this web site..very interesting..also,,please see a therapist and get some help..you don't have to tell your dad. your 22 yrs old and can make your own decicisions. get the help you need first and when you feel you can deal with this and are stronger, then talk to your dad about things. get yourself strong first. seek some help..we are here for you...
     
  6. justgettinby

    justgettinby Well-Known Member

    Hi olegnad. I'm also 22, and understand how you're feeling. I am also in a similar situation with my parents, in that they are hardcore Catholic, but I am atheist, and they would never accept me if I told them. I am also obsessed about whether our actions are all just a process of evolution and whether we actually have free will or not, etc etc. If you can, get out of your parents house and become independent. It was the best thing for me. I'm sorry you're feeling down, but if you ever want to talk, PM me. I may not completely understand what you're feeling, but I can relate some. I hope you feel better soon.
     
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