First time self harm....

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Nutn, May 14, 2015.

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  1. Nutn

    Nutn Member

    Dear, Forum

    Well after years of struggling with depression i attended self harm for the first time last week.
    I cut myself in the leg with a pocket knife and repeated the process a few days later.
    I personally think self harm doesn't give me a good feeling or the endorphin's rush that some pretend that it gives you.
    But i do it mostly to punish myself..

    Anyway now i have 2 scars on my leg that will probably be there for ever thanks depression....

    Nutn
     
  2. BelovedChaos

    BelovedChaos Member

    Nutn,

    I'm sorry that you feel the need to punish yourself. I know the feeling. I didn't get as far as cutting. But I punished myself in different ways. I hated myself for years. I had dreams of going to college and then i dropped out of highschool. I hid from the world in my room for three years, Just taking xanax and trazodone. All I did was sleep and eat.
    i might as well have been dead to the world. One day, my sister played a song for me. One of Us- Heather Dale. And I cried. I am not the type to cry when listening to music or watching movies, but I cried. Because for the first time in a long time I felt like Someone cared about me. I can't say you can relate, but Take a listen if you'd like. It's a good song regardless.
    Anyway, whatever it is that is making you feel like you need to punish yourself, I'm sure there is someone out there who would disagree. I don't know you, or your story, but you don't deserve punishment. You are strong enough to get through this. focus on what you appreciate in life. And on who in life appreciates you.

    Stay strong Nutn, because I'm sure there is someone who thinks very highly of you. and cares for you and wants to see you flourish in everything that is great and good about you. What are your passions? What did you want to be when you grew up? What do you love to do? Find what you love, and find your happiness, because you deserve every ounce of happiness that you can attain.

    Sincerely,
    Beloved Chaos
     
  3. Nutn

    Nutn Member

    Dear, Beloved Chaos

    Thanks you for your reply im really thankful.
    I listen to the song and it was touching i almost cried myself very emotional a really good song.
    If you ever need someone to talk to im there for you your kind reply means the world to me and if i ever can do something for you it would be a pleasure!
    My passion always was aviation and i think im going to catch up with that more often because for the last 8 or so years i did nothing with this passion....

    Anyway thanks again for everything!

    Nutn
     
  4. BelovedChaos

    BelovedChaos Member

    Nutn,

    Thank you, I'm really glad you listened to it. Aviation is a wonderful passion. Mine is Astronomy. Do what makes you happy, because the world is a tough place, but the small things really make it worth it. Follow your passion, and never give up. Because I'm sure that there is a perfect place for you, for all of us, in this world. It's just a matter of finding it.

    Lead a great Life Nutn,

    Beloved Chaos


    P.S. If you ever have the chance, try to pay it forward. lighten some random persons day. Even a passing smile can make all the difference in someones life. Like I said, It's a tough world. We all need a pick me up sometimes.
     
  5. M84

    M84 Active Member

    Nutn,

    I'm glad you posted this. After 7 years of not cutting, I too felt like a first timer again yesterday. Except, there wasn't any skin left to cut.
    It was all just scars.

    I'm not alone and neither are you. Stay safe.
     
  6. Nutn

    Nutn Member

    I will i know just as much a everyone what a tough world we live in!

    Thanks again!! :)

    Nutn
     
  7. Nutn

    Nutn Member

    Dear, M84

    Im sorry to hear that if you ever need someone to talk to im there for you just send me a message and we start a conversation if you want, your not alone in this world no one is!

    Keep strong!

    Nutn!
     
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