First Time Sex - Lost Virginity? Share Advice Or Experiences?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by yous, Aug 3, 2010.

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  1. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I got a few friends including myself who are entering this sort of "playful, dating sexual arena" but never really dealt with it before.

    I personally don't know what to do should a situation ever "happen" and I would have to make a decision to push away and potentially hurting someone or myself.

    I heard you should always do it with someone you care about, but don't people care about each other when they are in a relationship then sometimes it eventually turns out bad and they break up? How can you tell if you can trust somebody? I also heard people just wanted to see what it was like?

    Oh if anyone can just have their input or insight into the subject, I can sure help a lot of friends including myself understand this.
     
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Forget hurting other people's feelings. Especially if you're a woman, (are you?), and you're unsure of yourself, don't know "the game" - there is a lot more possibility of getting into a mess. You can say no right at the beginning if things are getting to intimate for your liking, and leave/stop contact- if you don't, there's more possibility of being drawn into others' "games", and feeling pressured to do things you're not ready or comfortable with. I know what you mean about the playful dating scene, I'm not into it, not interested in it, because...I would suspect it's full of players, one night stand type relationships etc etc.

    When it comes to love, in the scene you are talking about, I doubt you will find it but a bunch of lonely people using sex as a way of forming superficial, meaningless relationships.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 3, 2010
  3. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    There was a person who believed that getting to know somebody "the real person" was to know them sexually. Like as if, everything else about the person could be learned later, but if you had a sense of bond sexually (could be on the internet, could be casual fun), then the relationship would be stronger.

    I know most relationships should logically be developed as friends first, but what if sexual tension(I mean isn't that what attraction is all about), comes strongly for a couple, and introduced early on in the relationship?

    It's all fundamentally surreal to me. How people meet and then engage in this game like play.
     
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    What happened to that person and how were her relationships?

    I see where s/he's coming from, but I'd argue sex doesn't necesarily mean a person is being revealed or that they are letting down their guard and becoming vulnerable. Many people are sexually uptight or over-confident etc. And especially if it's in the dating scene- I'd just be worried of that person forming bonds with people who are there to take advantage and go.

    When it comes to your last question, I think it's individual to the couple, and if they are both ready. If either of you aren't ready, or feel pressured, it's going to feel wrong.
     
  5. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    The girl in question didn't know how to read people any other way. I mean she came from a tough upbringing and assumed the only way to get close to somebody was through it sexually. Not just sex, but to use it as a way to get to know people. It's not like we ask each other what our favorite movies are and that tells us who we are, but she would literally use and be used and that told her the whole story about whether or not she could trust a person or be.

    Just wondering if anyone was out there pressured to lose themselves sexually because they felt that was an obligation to get to know somebody or live up to some standard?
     
  6. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I had been best friends with the first guy I slept with for over a year, and we were a couple for three months before we had sex (we were both virgins) so we knew each other incredibly well, and I believe that this made it a lot easier (emotionally) when we slept together for the first time. We were together for four and a half years, and although sex was important, our relationship wasn't based on it.

    From what I have learned since then, although I have had much better sex than I had with my first partner, it has never been as meaningful on an emotional level, if you know what I mean. So although there's nothing really wrong with experimenting or playing games using sex (as long as you always use protection and make sure you're safe, physically and emotionally), I personally think it is very important to know your partner well and know you can trust them before you lose your virginity to them. Just my opinion.

    I have been pressurised into having sex, and it is not pleasant, being only a small step away from rape, so never let anyone (friends or partners) pressure you to do ANYTHING you don't want to. It's your body and your life, and you have every right to walk away, no matter what they say. Always make your safety your main priority.

    Mim
     
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