first time tried and failed

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by deansmith1966, Feb 24, 2011.

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  1. deansmith1966

    deansmith1966 New Member

    Hi im Dean a volunteer driver for a charity based in plymouth uk we help recovering addicts and ex prisoners find a new way back into a reasonable life and help with education. 12 years ago i was one such person. Now the fallout and guilt of my own past has finally begun to crush me im drug free have been 10 years. but i felt ashamed and wanted to help others to change for the better. and perhaps pay back my debt to society. Unfortunately the guilt of my past caught up with me. I cannot socialise apart from work its the only place i go. recently ive begun to hate myself and think i hate whats happening in this world. ( sorry) So i found someone bought <Mod Edit, WildCherry> heroin and injected it all into myself in . I hoped that was going to be it. But i had been given something else not heroin and been a victim of someone probably ripping me off (sorry to use this expression) nothing happened to me. So on i go. still here. Im sorry for this but i still want to go. Thats my story. I have never spoke of this to anyone but maybe i needed to get it out cos i cant keep it in anymore its just all too much. Love and best wishes to anyone fighting depression. I hope you can work it out x
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Dean welcome to SF and thanks for sharing that. Keep posting and get it all out. It does help and members here can support you through this.
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Dean, you've really accomplished a lot by giving up drugs, and also by volunteering. You may be more heroic than you realize.

    I think just about everyone does something they are ashamed of when they are an addict. Everyone makes mistakes, but you've really done a remarkable job in making things right.

    Do you want to talk about what made you feel ashamed, or how your past caught up with you?

    Are you seeing a therapist now, or are you in a group for recovering addicts?

    I think that other recovering addicts would understand what you are going through and be able to give you some support or understanding.

    I hope that you are able to get through this!
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