First time

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Not good, Dec 6, 2014.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Not good

    Not good Member

    Hi new to this. Have had a history of depression for many years but am at my lowest. Got married in May for the second time and she had left. Having hated my first wife they are now friends and I am being demonised by them to fell good about an aggressive divorce and now am being kept away from both sets of children. I don't have the strength left to fight the divorce and two custody battles let alone the money.
    I'm self employed and feeling that after 20 years of being in the health care profession I just can't hear anybody else's problem.
    Just don't know how to go on. People keep saying it will improve but the situation is deteriorating by the week along with my mental fortitude.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you need to have some professional help to get you through all of this. YOu should fight for your children Do not let anyone take them from you ok If you cannot fight then you get some help to do that
     
  3. Not good

    Not good Member

    Thanks eclipse. I just feel so alone and broken by it. I have a lawyer but it's money I can't afford. And living on my own is really getting to me.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, what you are going through must be so difficult I really feel bad for you. I guess all you can do now is try and find coping mechanisms, I'm assuming you work long hours because you're in the medical profession but having a social life outside of it might be really helpful. Do you have many friends? Do they know how much this is tearing you down? Wishing you all the luck in the world.
     
  5. Not good

    Not good Member

    Hi Petal. I've got few friends and I've lost a few because of the turmoil I'm in. I've never been this bad with this amount of difficulty ahead. I'm unable to cope with going shopping now or leaving the house. I have collapsed and am hopeless. Just can't take another day.
     
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    It's tough for any parent to go through a custody battle but wow, two that's going to do a number on anybody. Take it one day at a time and think of your kids needing their father in their lives.

    Is there mediation services you can use to avoid the lengthy court battles if the exes are willing to save money too?

    Just focus on what is important and go from there, it won't last forever it will only be temporary.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    As everyone here knows I had major issues with leaving the house before as a result of a traumatic event when I was younger.
    I think you should hold onto the friends who have stayed with you and helped you and ring them or call to their home or invite them over...it does not have to end this way at all. You CAN get through this and if you keep hanging on you will see it won't be so bad in the end.

    Think you should seek professional help at this stage, I did and it did take a long time but eventually worked :)
     
  8. Not good

    Not good Member

    Thanks for being there Petal. I tried to access help from the doctor and because of the system here it took to months to get antidepressants that I instinctively knew were not right for me. They caused a bad reaction. I need mirtazeoine but that will now take another 2 months to can hold off.
    Non of my friends live nearby. I'm totally isolated.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, it was mirtazapine that helped me the most (and believe me I have been on everything) I cannot understand why it is talking so long? Where in the world are you and together we can try and get resources to help you in some way. I think you should still call your friends, even if just for a chat. You really are not alone in this.
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    They weren't a waste of my time and a lot of others, every single person is different as to what will help so I think what you are saying is very discouraging, also doctors are only human and do make mistakes just like anyone else. They are not guaranteed to make him worse or better but it's the right choice to make given his circumstances. I was once told to drink hot chocolate to sleep for severe insomnia so I do get where you are coming from but I don't think you should paint them all with the one brush.
     
  11. Not good

    Not good Member

    Thanks. Better today and have managed to get to work but feeling as if I'm trying to hold back the tears. Worried about going back to my empty home. Worried about everything. Just wish my new wife could have given us another chance. It's just crazy that she has given up when we hit our first problem. I'm still full of guilt and wish I had played things differently. But it seems everything is lost and I still have a crazy hope that we could get things back together. Impossible as we have had no contact now for months and she's not responded to any of my emails. Just wish it could be different
     
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are too good to go back to her, you deserve better treatment, you're a nice rational person, what do you need her for?
    Anyway maybe instead of going to an empty home try and socialize a bit somewhere?
    I wouldn't give her a second of my time if I were you, but that's just my opinion. You seem sad :( I do hope things improve and glad that today is a better day for you.
     
  13. Not good

    Not good Member

    Have bought her a Xmas present as it would be weird to buy for my daughter and step daughter and not her. You're right petal I deserve better but she deserved better from me. Have put in place some therapies and have just found out that I will see my older girls for the first time in 3 months on the weekend. I'm told its a one off by my first wife but hope the girls will want to see me again soon. It has given me great strength knowing I will see them but of course I don't know when I'll see them after that.
     
  14. _nick_

    _nick_ Active Member

    What was this first problem?
     
  15. Not good

    Not good Member

    We started arguing. I became upset by a trivial matter that I just couldn't let go off and we argued most days of the summer. Looking back I was quite unstable at the time. My fault but wanting forgiveness and a second chance that aren't going to come. I miss her and the children so much.
     
  16. Not good

    Not good Member

    Sinking again. Help
     
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hey want to talk to us about how you are feeling right now? What is triggering you?
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.