This is the first time I've used this forum. I'm nervous but also comforted by the opportunity to speak freely in a sense, through "written" word rather than trying to get the words out speaking to a therapist or psychiatrist. I'm again in a very unstable place. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, treatment resistant Major Depression, Generalized and Social Anxiety. I cut for the first time on August 21, 2016 since June of 2015. I also tried Fentanyl for the first time two days ago. I am scared that I'll get addicted, but I'm also scared I won't be able to handle this instability, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, depression, and anxiety. I feel reckless and erratic. Irritable and angry, yet also euphoric at times. I'm full of energy for some days then absolutely drained other days. I'm all over the map like an unpredictable storm.