First Time

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by lifexlex, Aug 24, 2016.


Can you understand how I feel or have you been there or are you there now?

  1. Yes

    0 vote(s)
  2. No

  1. lifexlex

    lifexlex New Member

    This is the first time I've used this forum. I'm nervous but also comforted by the opportunity to speak freely in a sense, through "written" word rather than trying to get the words out speaking to a therapist or psychiatrist. I'm again in a very unstable place. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, treatment resistant Major Depression, Generalized and Social Anxiety. I cut for the first time on August 21, 2016 since June of 2015. I also tried Fentanyl for the first time two days ago. I am scared that I'll get addicted, but I'm also scared I won't be able to handle this instability, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, depression, and anxiety. I feel reckless and erratic. Irritable and angry, yet also euphoric at times. I'm full of energy for some days then absolutely drained other days. I'm all over the map like an unpredictable storm.
    chiaroscura likes this.
  2. moxman

    moxman I am proud to call Rosie, my best friend =) Forum Pro

    Hello lifexlex, I am Mox

    Hello and thank you for joining us at SF. Thank you for sharing your story with us. The more you share the more we can help you. I invite you to read my personal story below in green. Just know you are not alone in your pain and suffering. Everyone here is battling his/her own demons. You are among friends. No one will ever insult you or ridicule you for any reason; that BS is not tolerated here. We will give you emotional support and lots of hugs. If you are feeling like you are going to hurt yourself that you will take yourself to the nearest ER and get the help you need. The help you deserve. We want you to be SAFE. If you are having a bad day or if you are upset do not hesitate to reach out to someone here at SF and we will help you the best way we can.

    In my humble opinion you sound like you're bipolar. I have two cases of PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I have suicidal thoughts.

    Feel free to share more of your story with us.

    Take Care
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum :)
  4. Stormy

    Stormy Active Member

    Welcome, I am new here too and just wanted to offer you a chance to talk if you need to.
    I too find great comfort in the fact I can write how I feel. I can't verbalise it and get scared how others will react if I do.

    I wear fentanyl on prescription, and just ask you please to be careful, I know it is a very potent drug, but I understand the reasoning behind you taking it, my vice is cannabis to dull the pain.
    Take care and be safe x
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there & welcome to the forum. I am glad you chose to join us here. Please stop self medicating, it's really bad for you and you will end up in a worse state than you started in, I also have Borderline Personality disorder, it's really tough going. What triggered you to cut after so long without it? Please feel free to tell us more about your situation in your own time of course :)
  6. Sarah171

    Sarah171 Member

    Welcome to the forum and I sincerely hope you are able to find some advice and comfort here. It's very helpful to be able to speak with others who are going through the same struggles. It's also helpful though to speak with a licensed therapist or counselor. I understand how it's tough to speak with them, but I have to say, it did a world of good for me. There are some who can communicate via email or telephone, so you don't have to sit face to face and talk about your feelings. It may be worth looking into :) We're here for you ((hugs))