First time

[Wolfers]

Why do I miss being hurt? Do I miss the security of a home and a partnership?

I remember one night I had forgotten to do something and I delayed going home from work because I knew what would happen. I came home from work and he attacked. Beating me for what felt like eternity. I wanted to fight back, but knew it would only prolong the ordeal. I wanted to cry but knew that would make it worse. Finally he stopped and laughed. And I thought it was done. That I could go to bed and sleep off the nightmare once again.

What made me think I was “safe”? Why did I keep going back to someone I feared?

I got ready for bed. Brushed my teeth and changed my clothes. I grabbed my cat and headed into the bedroom. As I climbed into bed I felt myself being grabbed from behind and held around the neck. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t scream. I felt completely helpless and I knew I couldn’t do a thing to make the pain end. Then I passed out and next thing I remember I was laying on the floor wondering what I’d done to make him do that. He’d never done it before and I was so afraid. I crawled into bed and fell asleep determined that it would be better when I woke up.

Sometimes I regret leaving. And I wonder how I could miss something so horrible. I still don’t understand why he did what he did and I wish I could give him the help he needed.

 

[may71]

I think that the experience of feeling drawn to a relationship even when you know it's abusive sometimes or even often happens.

Maybe reading about abusive relationships or talking to a domestic violence counselor or being part of a domestic violence support group could help.

www.hotpeachpages.net has a world-wide directory of domestic violence resources. There might be something there that could help.

 

[Wolfers]

I think that the experience of feeling drawn to a relationship even when you know it's abusive sometimes or even often happens.

Maybe reading about abusive relationships or talking to a domestic violence counselor or being part of a domestic violence support group could help.

www.hotpeachpages.net has a world-wide directory of domestic violence resources. There might be something there that could help.

I got a message today that he wants me to come back.

 

[Sunspots]

I got a message today that he wants me to come back.

Please don't go back. I know how hard it is to miss someone even though you know that they're not good for you. But try to remember how frightened he made you feel. As much as you miss him, you really don't want to feel like that again.
Sending (((hugs)))

 

[may71]

I got a message today that he wants me to come back.

Abusive relationships are kind of like addictions sometimes. After a while, pretty much everyone figures out that their addictions are bad for them, but that doesn't mean that they're easy to quit.

Talking to a domestic violence counselor may help

 

[MagickLynx]

This sounds like trauma bonding https://www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/Survivors/trauma_bonding.html this might help to understand it better and there's probably a lot more about it on other sites. It's really important NOT to go back to the abuser.