Why do I miss being hurt? Do I miss the security of a home and a partnership?
I remember one night I had forgotten to do something and I delayed going home from work because I knew what would happen. I came home from work and he attacked. Beating me for what felt like eternity. I wanted to fight back, but knew it would only prolong the ordeal. I wanted to cry but knew that would make it worse. Finally he stopped and laughed. And I thought it was done. That I could go to bed and sleep off the nightmare once again.
What made me think I was “safe”? Why did I keep going back to someone I feared?
I got ready for bed. Brushed my teeth and changed my clothes. I grabbed my cat and headed into the bedroom. As I climbed into bed I felt myself being grabbed from behind and held around the neck. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t scream. I felt completely helpless and I knew I couldn’t do a thing to make the pain end. Then I passed out and next thing I remember I was laying on the floor wondering what I’d done to make him do that. He’d never done it before and I was so afraid. I crawled into bed and fell asleep determined that it would be better when I woke up.
Sometimes I regret leaving. And I wonder how I could miss something so horrible. I still don’t understand why he did what he did and I wish I could give him the help he needed.
I remember one night I had forgotten to do something and I delayed going home from work because I knew what would happen. I came home from work and he attacked. Beating me for what felt like eternity. I wanted to fight back, but knew it would only prolong the ordeal. I wanted to cry but knew that would make it worse. Finally he stopped and laughed. And I thought it was done. That I could go to bed and sleep off the nightmare once again.
What made me think I was “safe”? Why did I keep going back to someone I feared?
I got ready for bed. Brushed my teeth and changed my clothes. I grabbed my cat and headed into the bedroom. As I climbed into bed I felt myself being grabbed from behind and held around the neck. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t scream. I felt completely helpless and I knew I couldn’t do a thing to make the pain end. Then I passed out and next thing I remember I was laying on the floor wondering what I’d done to make him do that. He’d never done it before and I was so afraid. I crawled into bed and fell asleep determined that it would be better when I woke up.
Sometimes I regret leaving. And I wonder how I could miss something so horrible. I still don’t understand why he did what he did and I wish I could give him the help he needed.