So I just cut myself for the first time. I'm not really sure why I did it. I guess it's partly so I can feel something other than anger and frustration. Things have just been getting progressively worse and I guess I want to see if I could really go through with cutting my wrists if I can't find a less messy way. I've got a full dissection kit so no razors needed, I just used the scalpel for this time. Clean cut, very little pain. Just hope I didn't go too deep.