I cut myself three days ago. And again last night. I'd never done it before... never really wanted to. It hurt, but at the same time it felt good. I wanted to feel on the outside what I've been feeling on the inside. It was nice to be able to control my pain for once. But of course I feel shame after the fact. I told myself I wouldn't do it again but I did. And again, the power I had over my pain was a good feeling. Having to cover it up is the worst part. Trying to hide it and hoping no one finds out is harder than I thought it would be..