first timer

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by gem77, Dec 31, 2012.

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  1. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    Im new to this section, usually just post in the 'let it out' sub-forum. Basically a few days ago i got some bad news and I didnt know how to handle it so cut myself. I don't know what possessed me to do it but i was upset and harmed myself. Weirdly enough after i had done it, i liked the way my wrist looked with the marks. I stared at myself in the mirror after, weirdly admiring it. I'm sorry if this offends people but its how i felt at the time. Now i'm worried because i have the urge to do it again and oddly enough am looking forward to doing it again. is there anyone here that can empathise ?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Please don't go down that path hun it is not a coping skill that you want to keep You talk to your doctor or therapist and you get better coping skills hun ok hugs
  3. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    I self-harm and can relate to what you're saying. Please reach out to a doctor or therapist. Once it becomes your daily method of coping, it can be become addictive. You're showing signs that it may turn out that way, please speak to a health-care professional about getting help. It can become a life-long battle if you don't seek help early. It is your first time so things can get better before you end up down my road.
  4. Laughitup

    Laughitup New Member

    I have cut before, but never too deep at all...because I'm scared. But I will turn to that because I don't know how to handle anything either :(
  5. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    hi 'oceans' thank you for replying. how long have you being doing it for ? thanks for the advice and i understand what you're saying is right but im not sure if im ready to speak to anyone about it..[yet]. i hope things get better for you.
  6. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    thank you 'total eclipse' . maybe one day i hope to sort myself out but i dont think i can just yet.
  7. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    i understand. i was scared too but the more i did it the more i wanted to continue. i guess i did it because there was no-one else to talk to so i took it out on myself.
  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm a person who gets creeped out when I see blood...and yet I have no problem cutting you can imagine how much pain someone has to be in to do this. Sorry to hear things are bad for you, but you can talk to me if you ever need to talk about anything.
  9. Rachael1

    Rachael1 Account Closed

    Gem i totally get where your coming from..the first time i cut, it was just a shallow cut out of pure fustration..that was about 6/7 weeks i realise that not getting help at that very moment was the biggest mistake of my life, well one of them anyway.. its a slippery down hill road and once you start down it, its very hard to stop and go back..please find some help or message me :) i know what its like and if you could see what it has done to me and how its affected my life, it reckon it would make you think happily listen and support you in anyway i can without being judgemental because i understand what its like to not be understood. :)
  10. maddiev

    maddiev New Member

    hey. so i felt the same exact way. i totally understand where you are coming from. i have only been self harming for about three months and i wish i never started. i can tell you that it is not an actual way to get over your problems and once you start doing it, sometimes thats the only thing you can think about. at least, that is what happened to me. but it doesn't actually make your problems better. maybe try to find a way that you can channel that energy into something else. when i get really anxious and want to self harm, i have started to organize things, even if it is something stupid. i actually have begun to bring a deck of cards around with me and just organize them in different ways when i get an urge to self harm. if you ever need anyone to talk to who understands exactly how you feel about self harm, don't be shy to message me.
  11. introuble

    introuble Member

    I am new here, I just registered tonight. I can say gem77 that I actually did my first cuts a week ago and I felt the same way you are, I still do. I am sorry you are doing it and thinking this way but I do emhasize
  12. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    thank you.
  13. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    Hi Rachael i am worried about the compulsion to do it. i have a lot of issues going on right now ranging from serious to not so serious. i am now finding that i want to cut again. the first time i did it i was careless and my boss saw the marks on my wrists at work. i know it was part of his job to see if i was ok but i have to tell you that when he noticed i felt good that someone gave a sh*t about me and noticed and in a way cared. it was this feeling that spurs me to do it again. i would like to talk to you more about your experiences if you dont mind. nice to get someone who understands :)
  14. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    hi, i think its a good idea you have with the cards, sort of distracts you or keeps your attention off of doing it. when i first did it, it was for me and in a weird way my pleasure. but when i got careless at work at my boss noticed i liked the fact that he noticed and it was this feeling that partly makes me want to do it again. i got some not so good news today so am starting to feel the urge to do it again. i feel in control though, i mean its not like i do it everyday, i space it out [sorry if this sounds odd]. would be good to talk though. please feel free to message me as well. :)
  15. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    hi 'introuble' i guess you and i are sort of in the same boat. please feel free to message me if you would like someone to talk to. :)
  16. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    hey there, thought i'd reply too, tho u've alrdy gotten some pretty thorough replies. i myself have been self-harming for 4 years now, though it started out quite 'benignly' so to say. first time i did it, in the last year of junior high, i didn't rly even 'cut' kind of. i just scraped some skin off with scissors til i thought it was deep enough [sorry if this is too graphic, please feel free to edit it if it is], and i actually made a word [or more like someone's name] out of it. it did feel strangely 'nice', tho at the time i didn't think i had become a 'cutter' or something like that, i just did it, i didn't think. around the time i did it a couple more times and then stopped for about half a year. i don't rly remember what got me going again once i got to high school, but i gradually started self-harming again, and from then on it just kept getting worse. i started out on my forearm [where i had done it around the first time too] and moved on to more sharp 'tools' so to say. gradually i started moving higher and higher on my arm, because of lack of 'room'. it moved up to the back of my shoulder. and it didn't stop there. around two years ago i was 'found out' [cuz of a specific 'event'], and so i left my arm alone [and i've barely touched it again near my shoulder, but i still have all the scars that aren't fading even after years], but that doesn't mean i stopped self-harming altogether. i moved on to my thighs first [i think they were first] and then to my back/sides, and now my stomach too. and as i currently am, i have at least some unhealed wounds like all the time. and when i cut i do like hundreds of cuts at one time [tho not horridly deep, i'm not that done yet at least lol], so i've basically got half my body covered with them. once u really get going there's no stopping it anymore. i'm not even trying to right now. so i really hope for your sake that u'll get help once it's still reasonably easy to stop this. it can be a lot more addicting than u initially think or realize.

    if u have any questions to me or just want to talk, u can message me too. and same to everyone else for that matter.
    stay safe,
  17. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    When i used to cut I really liked the way they looked on my arm. And i still do when i get a cut or something.

    But my best and only advice: is to stop while you can. You will regret it later. Trust me
  18. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    Hi there. thank you for sharing. what you're saying actually has struck a cord with me. the other day i actually thought about moving further up my arm and start cutting there. i completley understand what you say about once you start you cant stop but i feel in control..right now anyway. i mean i decide when i do it and how deep i go. i havent done anything too serious yet but i have used a knife and razor blade. i cant totally explain why i did it or will do it but i know i feel better once its done. i would like to keep in touch with you and talk sometime if thats ok. thanks
  19. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    thank you for taking the time to respond. i guess when my boss noticed it and i saw the expression on his face that kind of made me want to never do it again. but as said before i like the way the marks look and it does make me feel better. i have some issues and problems going on at home and in my personal life right now so i guess its a way of coping. but im also in love with my boss whose with someone else / in love with someone else and he is partly and i stress partly the reason why i did it to myself. a very small part of me wanted his attention. what scares me is that i would hurt myself badly for/ over him.
  20. Carriel

    Carriel Member

    Oh I was the same way when I cut my first time. I loved the cuts on my wrist. I even picked off the scabs that came afterwards so there would be scars there permanently.
    Worst mistake ever. I wish I had never done that. I used to cut for 3 months (I recently stopped by the end of November) and my scars are still here.
    It's not admirable whatsoever. It's a constant reminder of your pain, and people ask about them whenever I show my arms. It's a terrible curse. And I live in California. I used to love the beach.
    I wish I had an unblemished body with smooth skin that was ridden of scars. But now I have these ugly scars on my left arm.
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