It doesnt matter whether things go good or bad for me, i always return to this point of just wanting to die. The past was so terrible, that i dont see how it couldnt have been because of me. Rationally i know none of what ive been through was my fault, but a part of me asks, how could it not be? Even when things are going well, i cant help thinking theyd go even better if i wasnt around. Today, i was talking to someone, who doesnt really know me well, and wouldnt have dreamed that the conversation topic of sucide would be so personal to me, and he said that he though, maybe some people are just not of this world, maybe some peoples suffering is too great, and maybe there are some people you just have to let go. I dont think i'll ever forget talking to him, or what he said.