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Fish on fire...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by PandorasToybox, Jan 17, 2012.

  1. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    For the last maybe 2 years things have been decent and the last 6 months my life changed wonderfully. But with the pressure of college and a major family crisis, I've hit my limit. It's been a dramatic 180 degree turn around. It's not like last time. Im not sad or depressed, I'm just white hot angry at everything and everyone that steps in my path. I feel like I'm a bomb waiting to tear myself to shreds. I can't stand breathing, I can't stand living.

    I went from being that energetic, happy, loud and upbeat student to arguing with my professor (nearly knocking him out) and walking around blank faced, feeling like a fire is burning me from the inside out. I don't like it anymore than anyone else does. I've had nothing but severe head aches and restless nights and I can barely stand to be at school right now.

    I'm so afraid I'm going to just explode one day. Like absolutely lose it. I'm trying so hard to put on that smiley face but all it takes is the smallest thing to set my temper off. Then when I'm upset, I'm the bad guy...

    It feels like a never ending cycle. At what point do I have to stop fighting for control...I just want to friggin scream!!! This post is making me angry and I wrote it...so stupid....
  2. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I believe it's good that your expressing your feelings. You feel angry and upset which is a normal reaction. You have to remember that your not alone, I'm going to college to, and I'm finding it difficult as well. However, I've been pulling through it with friends who are supporting of me. I also suffer from mild depression with suicidal thoughts. Your emotions are normal, and I believe it's good that your screaming them out right now. If you want to talk in private about it PM me, because I fear I'll go over the edge and won't survive.

    Your physical ailments seem normal as well. I get massive headaches all the time and I feel tired most of the day. I'm here if you want to talk about it. I understand that your worried you'll go over the edge. But, like me you can do it because nothing should be able to hold you down. College is very stressful ... I know because I'm doing it right now.