Is there a word for this? If I could find one, could I pin down this nothingness, find my way back from this nowhere to which I have wandered? Sometimes I think that I could. If I just knew the why and the where maybe I’d be able to fix everything, whatever this everything is. What is everything, the point of anything, when I am nothing? I am torn between wanting to know what I have done and wanting to know what has been done to me. The ease with which the world falls apart frightens me. I can barely move for fear I might break something.